Tuesday, April 22, 2003

Ways I Have Responded Thus Far To Weekly
Chain Emails I Get With Photos Of Friend's Baby:

-Growing so fast-wow!
-What a smile!
-Look at those eyelashes!
-Looks more like mom every day!
-Is that a tooth I see?

Ways I Really Want To Respond To Weekly
Chain Email I Get With Photos Of Friend's Baby:

-The photos you are sending me are huge. They
also often contain a virus. Can you please put
down the breast pump and learn a little thing or
two about Photoshop? Thanks.

-Your baby is ugly. I'm sure it will be cute when it
grows up but right now it is red and puffy and it's
head is cone shaped.

- I really don't need to see a photo of your baby's
private parts nor your baby in the process of getting
what looks to be a number two diaper change.

-Why have you nicknamed your poor child
'SnooKooNooPeePeeFace'? (*names have been
changed). This is not a flattering nickname nor will
it provide any advancement in the areas of your
child's developing self-esteem.

-You dress your child like a mini Britney Spears.
Your child is zero. The Nike shoes she is wearing
that cost you $700 will be in tomorrow's garbage.
Do your self a favor and spend the money on beer.


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