Tuesday, July 22, 2003

It’s All Fun and Games Until Marisa Tomei Socks
Someone In The Balls

Last night I catered another party. The fellow wait staff
was hilarious. You never know who you’ll be teamed up
with for the night so when it’s a fun group the time goes
quickly.

There was the Kate Hudson looking actress who shared stories
about her passion for skydiving. There was the young Diana
Ross looking singer girl who belted out tunes in the kitchen
while we lined up to fill our trays with more food. There was
the tall, big smile Australian professional surfer / model /
photographer (we’ll get back to him later). And then there
was Jack. As usual Jack was the star of the night. Just back
from a two-month musical theater stint on a cruise ship, he
had all the one-liners. When some of the guys were having
trouble passing food through the crowd Jack said,
“Boys-you need to be aggressive and watch me. You
need to run…run like sperm!”

In attendance was Eddie Falco in a red speckled dress.
There was a super pregnant Molly Shannon. There was Fred
Schneider from the B52’s in fire engine red pants. There was
Danny Devitto sucking on a giant cigar. There was Rhea
Pearlman and their entire crew of short, frizzy haired kids.
There was Rhea’s mom who requested things piecemeal
from me all night in a raspy, Brooklyn accent:

Rhea’s mom: “Watah…(Water). I need a Watah.”
Me: “Sure ok.”
(15 minutes later I fight my way back to the VIP lounge
through the crowded dance floor)
Me: “Here ya go”
Rhea’s mom: “Cup. I needa cup.”
Me: “O…K. Be right back” (15 minutes later I return with a cup)
Rhea’s Mom: “Ice. I need ice.”
And so on and so forth.

The highlight of the night was when mistakenly during the
tune of ‘Footloose’ (NOTE: NEVER ATTEMPT TO CLEAR ANY
GLASS OBJECTS FROM A DANCE FLOOR DURING THE TUNE OF
‘FOOTLOOSE’) Australian surfer guy went to remove an empty
beer bottle off a ledge close to where Marisa Tomei was dancing
wildy in flip-flops. All of the sudden Marisa busted a move that
involved a frantic pony tail swing and then threw her hands
back violently socking Australian surfer guy hard in the nuts.
He went down like he’d been shot. Marisa, oblivious to what
just happened kept on dancing.

Joining him shortly after in the kitchen while he recuperated
I offered these words of comfort: Hey, at least you can say
you got socked in the balls by Marisa Tomei.

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