Saturday, January 24, 2004

KDUNK SPELUNKED

Yes. That's right. KDunk once spelunked. Thanks to the
little blurb re:spelunking on my pal Lockhart's web site
I was reminded of this very thing that I did many years
ago.

I went to an all women's college. When you go to an all
women's college they encourage you to do wacky nutty
things because basically there are no boys around for
distraction. When in god's name under any other
circumstance would a young freshman gal like myself
agree to take a weekend trip 'spelunking' where at a
co-ed facility my weekend plans might involve some
senior guy's hand up my shirt while we drank Schlitz
beer in the comfort of his dorm room? Alas...

Ten of us including my best friend and I and our guide
from the college outdoor program headed in a van to
the caves of West Virginia. After strapping on our
headlamps and zipping up our white union suits, we
plunged forth into the cold, damp, dark cave. (For all
you lame guys reading the sexual undertones of this
-get over it) Anyway, we ate our lunch in the cave with
our flashlights on. When we were done the guide told
us to click them off and see how dark it was. Wow.
Dark. We plunged forth until we got to a point in the
cave where the guide put his hands on his hips and
with a nonreassuring, "Huh...that's wierd..." looked
around and said to us,

"Well...it looks like we've come to an interesting fork
in the road ladies. We now have two options. You
can either #1. take the left tunnel where you will have
to wade through water up to your hips while a few bats
are flying around or #2. you will have to crawl through
a tiny tunnel on your stomach and won't be able to
breath for sixty seconds until you get to the other
side. The choice is yours."

(May I remind you that this was back in the day before
there were such reality TV shows as "Fear Factor" to
use as any point of reference. ) So what did I do? I
chose #2. Crawl in the tunnel and not breath for sixty
seconds. And can I say? It really sucked.

If I were to be hypnotized in therapy to pinpoint the
EXACT moment in which I became a person that suffers
from minor claustrophobia I can honestly tell you it was
this moment. Me-in a white union suit-freshman year of
college-crawling on my stomach through a tunnel of a
dusty cave not breathing until I was yanked out the
other side by a toothless guide like I was a baby
being born.

I mean...which one would you choose?

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