Thursday, May 06, 2004

MY BEST FRIEND THE SCIENCE EXPERIMENT

Last night I had fun catching up with my pregnant pal B.
Despite watching other people’s eyes glaze over at the bar
by such words as ‘sonogram’ and ‘bile puking’ I couldn't
help but be excited.

This is a natural reaction of one woman to another I'm
pretty sure. Especially when it is happening with your
best friend-your old college buddy-the one you recall
once doing an upside down keg stand in a dress
surrounded by a bunch of rowdy freshman chanting
'Do it! Do it! Do it!'.

I asked B ten million questions:

Does being pregnant feel like you are totally stuffed?
As if you just ate two giant portions of Fettuccini Alfredo?
But like…all the time?

Can you sleep on your stomach or is there some internal
force preventing you from doing so afraid you will be
crushing those two tiny human beings?
(she is having twins)

When you say you are sick in the morning are you
'god i'm hungover' sick or do you feel as if you were
an extra on the stormy seas in Master and Commander?

The most bizarro thing about all this for me to process
is how chicks spend their whole lives trying NOT to get
pregnant and then one day women that are physically
able to by circumstance, good planning, bad planning,
good genes, fear, hapiness, loneliness-get to a point
where they say, OK. Nevermind about all that stuff
before. I'm ready. Hit Me.

What is this like for guys? It's like spending your
entire lives trying NOT to get socked in the balls
and then one day due to circumstance, good planning,
bad planning, good genes, fear, hapiness, loneliness
-whatever it may be-brings you to that point where
you say, OK. Nevermind about all that stuff before.
I'm ready.
Hit Me.


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