BAD AT LYING
I am bad at lying. Sometimes I need to tell a lie and say that someone is not where they really are. A normal person might say, "Oh sorry-she's on a conference call right now." But do I say that? No. I say something so far from the truth in my efforts to cover up that it is so obvious that it's total crap.
Once at my old job long ago - my boss from LA, a health conscious freak of salad eating only nature - didn't want to take a call and asked me to lie.
Caller: "Is Jane Doe there?"
Me: "No actually she isn't."
Caller: "Is she coming back soon?"
Me: "Um. No actually."
Me: "She ran to get a piece of pizza."
Caller: "A piece of pizza? Jane Doe...Jane Doe ran to get a piece of pizza?"
Caller: "Jane doesn't eat pizza."
Me: "Well...you know."
Caller: "Huh. And she is not going to be back for a while? From getting pizza?"
Me: "Ah. No."
Caller: "Listen. Whatever. Tell her to call me."
Speaking of pizza I'm off to get a slice.
And that is no lie.