HAVE A GREAT SUMMA
And welcome to my wedding blog.
So for ONCE my Long Island accent worked in my favor. In order to get a permit to get married in a Brooklyn park one has to talk to one TOUGH COOKIE at the City Parks office by the name of Leora Manachelli. Leora-Brooklyn born and bred.
Leora was out of her office for two days. When she finally called back I made the mistake of saying, “Were you out on vacation?” to which she barked back in a smoker’s rasp and THICK Brooklyn accent,
“Vacation?! Vacation?! PHFTT! Yeah right! My knees was busted! If you people could just WAIT two seconds for me to call you back it would be NICE!”
The minute Leora used the term ‘you people’ I knew it was time to bring out the big guns. You see—‘you people’ is code for you rich fucking snobby bride bitch yuppie. Yet despite the difference between a real Brooklyn born and bred accent and a Long Island one-there is enough similarity in the two accents that if you bust one out on someone from either parties there is an instant unspoken connection of sorts that can often work in one’s favor. I took a chance. But I was right.
For those of you not familiar with a Long Island accent it is truly a wonder. Not only in it’s ear piercing decibel-cloying, annoying-but it what it really stands for. What it really means. The unspoken understanding from one person to another that says something like,
I’m with you and you’re with me.
We’re not one of them.
We got it. We understand one another (anotha)
Or plain and simply stated…fucking yuppies.
K: (full ammo) “Well SAW-ree! I hope ya feel betta! I’m askin’ ‘cause my motha is drivin’ me nutz! She wants a park (pawk) permit so she we can confirm a date and she can help me buy a weddin’ dress. I’m like MA! Yo MA! Leave me alone! They’ll cawl me when they cawl me! About the pawk permit!”
L: (silence and then a soft chuckle)…”Mothas! I swear!”
K: “Totally! So I says MA! I’ll cawl ONE MORE TIME and that’s it! Enough already! I swea…”
L: (sound of computer keys clicking), “Well…OK. I really shouldn' be pushin' this along without approval but what’s ya case numba?”
K: B-B like…Baw-bra, 74..35
L: (click click click) Well…you know you can’t have chairs!”
L: And you know you can’t have confetti or limos on the grass-nothin’!
L: Well…ok. I signed it. You should get the permit in the mail by Tuesday.
K: Thank you sooooo much!
L: No problem. Now tell ya motha to leave you alone! Sheesh! If she doesn’t believe you I can fax ha a copy!
K: Leora-You’re the best! And hey! Have a good summa!