Thursday, July 14, 2005


People in love should not be allowed to ride the subway. I speak on behalf of all grumpy morning commuters like myself. I can barely keep my eyes open and when I do the last thing I want to see is the equivalent of cheesy outtakes from some love movie where people are rolling in the sand. But on the subway.

It's too early in the morning for all this 'making out' and flirty staring contests. Yes. Ok. You are the only two people on this train that had sex this morning. Good for you! So what. The only word that comes to mind is CANOODLE. The world's worst word right up there with 'PANTIES' or even the name of that bagel shop in NYC called 'BAGELRY' (shudder) which makes me want to go home and take a shower every time I see it.

Yesterday's offenders on the F train, groped one another like a couple of horny monkies. The guy stepped on my pinky toe (twice) - both times because he was 'going in for a tickle' while the girl moved away giggling. A few moments later the girl dropped her umbrella on the lap of an equally annoyed looking guy next to me. And as if a subway car full of irritated stares alone weren't enough to burn holes into their skulls, they continued.

By the time I got to my subway stop, I had had more than enough. As I walked towards the subway exit I actually felt compassion for the rest of my fellow passengers that had to ride more stops with these two. Pushing my way past the girl - her body now wrapped around the subway pole as if she were seconds away from giving a lap dance - I overheard the following comment whispered by some tough chick with a BRONX T-shirt to her friend,

W: 'Yeah. You wait until her ass gets big and he stays out all night. Let's see you then.'


At 9:14 AM, Blogger custerdome said...

This is what I'm talking about! This is brilliant. I loved this.

At 12:47 PM, Blogger posthipchick said...

i love that the bride-to-be is talking shit about "people in love"!

At 4:31 PM, Blogger Neil said...

I think it was all for show. If they were really up all night having sex, they would be way too tired to play around so much early in the morning. They probably have "relationship" or "sexual" problems and need to overcompensate on the "F" train. Also, notice how they chose the "F" train, which clearly shows me more about their neurotic troubles. How do I know all this? I once took a course on Freud in my Sophomore Year in college.

At 2:01 PM, Blogger *** said...

Ew, people like that suck. I was once stuck on a crowded train right next to one of those puppydog eye starey couples; the three of us were sharing a pole and they kept shifting position so they could hug more and kept TOUCHING MY HAND and basically taking over the whole pole in the process. I will never understand people who love makin' out on filthy subway trains.

At 2:36 PM, Blogger ica said...


I love how you hate the word "Bagelry!" I've never heard it, but it is gross. I have words that gross me out and people always think I'm weird!


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