Tuesday, August 09, 2005


Miss Teen Ohio 2005

Last night I tuned into some trash TV watching - The Miss Teen USA pageant. It was great. E seemed pretty excited too. Figures.

There are quite a number of comical elements about the whole thing. The ridiculous outfits they choose for 'evening gown', the jerky movements and crunched up nose faces they make to look cute for the the camera, the things they say, the panel of judges they flash to now and again which this time included Mrs. Hilton (mom to Paris and Nicky) who clapped her hands awkwardly like a dolphin.

Another distracting element was the script writing. The writers use these weird phrases to introduce the various teens. Here are some examples:

Coming into town...California!
This is it...Kansas!
Jump if you want...Georgia!
Say it like ya mean it...Nevada!
Pass the toll...Michigan!
Pop it up...New Mexico!

Pop it up? What? What are we talking about here?

E was bummed that his pick for Miss Teen Missouri (slut) didn't even make it to the top ten. This is her - painted on eyebrows and all:
I mean really people. There is no contest between her and the winner. After all Miss Teen Missouri's favorite food is 'Jack Links Peppered Beef Jerkey'. Need I say more???

Miss Teen Ohio 2005 won. I liked her although I must confess I originally was voting for Miss Teen Michigan. But Miss Teen Ohio had such an energy about her. A real 'stage presence'. I sound like my grandmother. I also liked that her favorite song is 'Eye of The Tiger' and her favorite food is 'Aunt Connie's chicken salad'. That seemed wholesome and nice.

This is what she won:
-1 year modeling contract
-Custom-designed wardrobe
-4 days in Mexico
-a scholarship to college
-one-time appearance on a soap opera

And what appeared to be the only huge bummer in the whole deal...'during her reign she will share a Manhattan apartment with Miss USA and Miss Universe'.

I mean give the girl a break people. New York living is hard enough much less having to share your small Manhattan apartment with Miss USA and Miss Universe. I mean, think of the closet space for one. The limited number of outlets for hairdryers and straightening irons. And some days in general you just don't need the pressure to be the 'best that you can be' among your roommates. You just want to look like shit, throw on your sweat pants, not wash your hair and stuff yourself with chips and well...watch the Miss Teen Universe pageant.


At 9:57 AM, Blogger custerdome said...

My fav was cute Miss West Virginia.

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At 11:33 AM, Blogger alissa said...

... and here I chose to watch the 2 1/2 Men rerun...

At 1:33 PM, Blogger kaymaria said...

There's such thing as comment spam?!? Oh sweet Baby Jesus.

I watched bits of the pageant - switching back and forth to the repeat of Rock Star:INXS that VH1 aired thankfully since CBS (or whoever) aired it on Sunday instead of Monday. (What are these things called ratings? We don't need your stinking ratings!) But I digress - I picture Miss Teen saying, "I'm going to go get a Jamaican patty, ya'll!" and the other two scoffing at the thought.

Okay, so none of them would ever consider wrapping their lips around a Jamaican patty but ever since NY Times ran that article about them that's all I can think of. That's what I miss most about NY...that and all that culture stuff.

I shut up now - little sleep-deprived hence the ramblings.

At 2:30 PM, Blogger ica said...

I actually watched this too! I was all for Miss Ohio, she seemed like the only one who let a little personality show instead of just going through the motions.

Are they all teens? Maybe 19? They don't look that young honestly.

I was saddened by the stupid questions they were asked. "So I heard you like taking road trips with your family," "Yeah we sing in the car." Is that even a question? Or an answer? Stupid.

At 3:39 PM, Blogger psquared said...

As a Michigander I was pulling for Miss Teen Michigan. She looked great, had good energy, I was all for her. Then she spoke. I know they are teenagers – but I thought we taught simple skills here. And the accent – my lord I never knew we came across with that accent. I still love the mitten state, always waving hello to other states, but there needs to be an overhaul around these parts.


At 1:15 PM, Blogger Slimbolala said...

Did they really say "pass the toll... Michigan"? Does that make any sense? Is there some Michigan/toll connection I'm not aware of? I caught a few moments but, alas, missed the some of the highlights that you have so graciously recapped.

At 5:33 PM, Blogger Brooke said...

Say it like you mean it: Nevada!

I've never meant anything less in my life.

Missouri *does* look a little needy.

At 11:29 PM, Blogger psquared said...

Slim - there are two types of people who live in Michigan, from what you are describing, I think.

The people who live in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan are called Uppers (pronounced You-pers) Those of us in the lower state, live below the Mackinaw bridge, or are referred to as Trolls (because we live under the bridge.)

Hope that helps.


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