Monday, January 30, 2006

HIS WIFE THE BASS GUITAR

In the middle of the night on occasion I feel E - my computer programming husband 'typing' on my leg or arm in his sleep as if I am his computer. This is funny. The first time it startled me and resulted in me waking him up to ask, "What are you doing?!?" Then I got used to it and it made me laugh. Last night in the middle of the night I felt the same thing. Tap tap tap tap on my arm. But these taps were more like plucks. It had been a while. I woke up and shook him, "Honey...you are typing on me again." to which he responded without even opening his eyes or missing a beat, "Actually no. I think I'm playing you like a bass."

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

DEEP THOUGHTS



I'm pretty sure that Kirstie Alley would shed about 7lbs alone on her Jenny Craig diet if she only got a haircut.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

THE POWER OF EDITING - OR NOT



This weekend I took my friend B out to Long Island with me to visit my family and remember what fresh air smells like. Ok...that and to also hit the outlet malls where Mom waited in the car for us while we ran in and out of stores like teenagers and even shopped in stores MADE for teenagers such as 'Delia's' where the only sizes that fit us was XXXL.

It was so nice to get out of the city and while I've missed E being gone in Mexico for 9 days I've selfishly enjoyed much needed time with my girlfriends. Each night he has been gone I've made a plan to visit with various important women in my life that I never get to see enough. The amazing thing is I still have more on the list I couldn't get to in time but luckily they aren't going anywhere for the moment and I look forward to our reunions.

The weekend was funny and relaxing and great. The first night we arrived, we enjoyed a dinner with Mom and Dad and then soon everyone clustered around the TV in the living room with pjs on and a glass of wine in hand. Out of boredorm - ok B made me - we popped in a VHS tape from my high school years which was the 'making of' of a 'music video' I made for a class assignment featuring me, my high school boyfriend and his twin sister my best friend at the time.

It was painful to watch. Partially because it was completely and totally lame on several levels and partially because throughout the entire thing Mom, Dad and B screamed STOP FAST FORWARDING!!!!!!! every five minutes despite the fact the entire first part of the tape was only 'b-roll' or extra footage such as - me zooming in on a fire hydrant (ZZZ), me going from a zoom to wide shot of a dark alley (ZZZ), me filming a neighbor and his daughter (now 18) standing in their garden (ZZZ) and literally a shot of me filling my parent's bathroom tub up with water and then draining it out again. At that point, silence in the room, the image of water slowly dribbling down the bathtub drain my father finally said, "Ok you can fast forward now."

What seemed like 7 hours later, the actual 'music video' came on. I don't know if it is because I work in TV or what but it was the biggest piece of crap I've ever seen. The editing was horrible. In fact, there was no editing at all. But boy - was it deep.

The video finally ended. There were a few trailing off laughs as the screen went to black and white fuzz. Silence again and then, "What else do we have?" said Dad. After some rummaging through the living room cabinet and some assurance from B she was actually enjoying this, I came up with a number of VHS tapes all of which we assumed to be powerfully important documented moments of our lives such as perhaps the birth of my sister or my 16th birthday party. Thanks to my mother's maticulous labeling system it was anyone's guess: 'Family Tape', 'Family Tape II' and 'Family Tape, etc."

The first tape "Family Tape" contained an entire small town parade. The entire parade. Fire engines, waving officals and finally two seconds of me speedwalking past my mother while dressed in a horrible purple and gold band uniform with my hand to the camera. The second tape "Family Tape II" featured my sister (we think) at a young age - from behind - squatting in the grass with her back to us. She was at a sing-a-long at the public library hosted by a thirty-something couple dressed in bee uniforms with acoustic guitars singing lyrics like, "WE ARE A BEE FAM-A-LEE! WE ARE ANN-IE AND BOB-BY!" At that point we all hoped tape three "Family Tape, etc." would be more promising. It was.

"Family Tape, etc." actually contained fantastic footage such as my grandfather that recently passed away, my cousins and I riding our bikes with pimples and braces, lobster races on the back porch, a birthday party, sparklers being lit on the fourth of July, etc. This footage threw Dad for a loop. He spent the entire time yelling out things like, "Who is that guy?" and "Who's baby is that?" to which my mother and I screamed back 'THAT GUY IS YOUR FATHER!' and 'THAT BABY IS YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER DAD'.

Sadly or perhaps not - the "Family Tape, etc." tape came to an abrupt end. Programming was interrupted by a marathon taping of back to back episodes of the 80's TV sitcom 'Family Ties'. Since my sister was not around to defend herself we blamed her and Mom and Dad soon headed to bed. After our fourth episode in a row and who knows how many glasses of wine later, B and I turned to one another and said, "Perhaps we best call it a night."

It did get me thinking however about the power of editing - or not. How we choose to document those things in life that at that time seem most important to us. The TV minded Writer/Producer in me wanted to collect these family tapes, combine all the footage keeping only the most crucial shots and maybe even throw in a song or two to set the mood. But really what qualified as 'most important' in the way of childhood memories?

As the train pulled out of our small town station today, coincidentally I spotted one of our local fireman featured in last night's parade video. He was waving this time not to my mother's camera but rather to someone on the train from his position on the station's platform. I studied his face. Twice now in 48 hours. Someone I hadn't thought about in years.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

MY FAMOUS PAST

So you thought I was just a regular blogger, huh? Someone with just a normal, boring past. Well...(snort) hold on to your hats people because here is a little tale about my famous past:

Me at age 3 or 4 in a bank ad for one of my dad's clients for a LI newspaper. I didn't get to keep the doll. Mean, cruel bank people:


Me as kid appearing in a PSA or something with Lorne Greene of Bonanza TV show fame. I didn't get to keep the notebook although I may have gotten to keep Loren Green's hand seeing as it appears to be permanently attached to mine:


Me as Alice in Alice in Wonderland - 3rd grade play. As you can see I did the entire play with my eyes tightly shut. That takes serious talent people:


My whole family in a batting cage with famous Red Sox people none of whom I can name until my husband gets home and does so for me because I know nothing about sports:


My first MTV ID out of 6 or 7 that I eventually gathered and lost on and off at some point in my life. Anyone that works at MTV is COOL MAN:


A scary 'headshot' taken for me for my column in my college newspaper. I look small and meek and not unlike whats her face from 'Everyday Italian' on The Food Network. Also apparently wearing a cone bra and never heard of this thing we call 'plucking eyebrows':


A personal and sweet letter from Antonio Ordonez - star bullfighter of Hemingway's 'The Sun Also Rises' who wanted me to marry his grandson who is now a good friend:


Me and Artimus Pyle - former drummer of Lynyrd Skynyrd and his son who I was dating at the time and some midget wearing a spooky hat (my hat's cool...ya dig?):


The 'Stuff the Turkey' game that I designed for Nickelodeon's show "Double Dare" that was actually played on air. Game involved - Mom and Dad stand at one end of room holding giant turkey. Kid catapults fake stuffing balls dipped in gravy towards Mom and Dad. Most in hole wins. Um yeah Dad. I promise I'm using my college degree I swear! :


Stay tuned for more exciting updates from KDunk's famous past!!!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

HOOKED ON HOOP

Nothing screams BRING ON 2006 like...

(1) putting on your $11 Strawberry's black and gold lace shirt that either screams 'cool' or suburban mom dressed up in 'something wild' for New Years Eve

(2) attending a pot luck dinner in Brooklyn

(3) drunk hula hooping to ipod tunes in a friend's living room into the wee hours of 2006! And I'm not kidding!

KDunk rocks the hoop!

*photo by slower.net


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