Monday, February 27, 2006


Click photo above .

Sometimes couples go on trips. They think 'Hey, let's go to Miami! That sounds awesome! Cheap and warm! Hassle free!'. They pack their summer clothes and sunscreen and beach towels. On the first cloudy day they think, "This will pass! Let's head to Little Havana!"

And then the minute they get off the bus in the middle of nowhere Little Havana the sky opens up and 'sheets of rain' does not even begin to describe this palm tree bending monsoon of an experience. They run to the nearest roof to hide under but it is no use. They are soaked to the bone. Rain hitting them at all angles. No umbrellas, puddles up to their ankles, wife girl wearing bad shoes (shocking). Gravel getting inbetween her toes while she runs. They run from store to store trying to hide from the rain but each store is forty below zero in AC tempatures thus practically FREEZING them to death.

Husband guy sees a Home Depot. They run in puddles and mud and dirt and gravel. Wife girl's shoes literally falling off and twisting her ankle. Hopefully Home Depot will sell some umbrellas. Home Depot does not sell umbrellas. They sell ponchos. Wife girl is FREEZING. Huband guy is GRUMPY. They are both STARVING. They buy ponchos (one blue, one green) On the way out of the store they ask a man to take their picture. He says, "Y'all quite a site!"

Husband and wife are now momentarily happy. Ponchos. Who knew! We're so bringing back the poncho! To New York! It has pockets and a hood and snaps up the side! What else does one need? Wife feels as if it's like wearing a down comforter. Husband feels like he wants to stop into a souvenir store to get out of the rain some more. They try on hats. Husband rummages through Cuban baseball team shirts. Girl kicks shoes off and wipes feet on carpet in back of store hoping no one will see. 45 minutes later they brave the rain again.

The ponchos don't seem so cool anymore. The wind has picked up. Husband and wife are now yelling at one another in front of a graveyard in the POURING rain because wife wants to walk 79 blocks to the Chowhound reviewed Cuban place she read about while husband wants to eat at bar/prison den looking place full of only men right there across the street. A possible strip bar. They compromise and get drinks at different bar watching inside the entire 2.5 hour Shakira DVD playing on volume 10 hoping the rain will stop. It doesn't. Both agree thanks to Shakira DVD place is in fact sort of a strip bar.

Rain seems to finally slightly lighten up enough to go outside and right before giving up two seconds before the miracle - wife spots Chowhound reviewed Cuban place across street. Both beyond hungry, starving, wet, soaked to the bone, ankles twisted they go inside the place causing a scene. They look like two garbage bags that blew in through the front door.

Eat greasy bad food in about 75 seconds. Wife starts to cry while eating food at what a shitty day it is and how the whole stupid thing was her idea. Husband feels bad he made wife take 93 buses to get here. Says they should call a cab. Get taxi number from cashier but then on way out spot bus stop across street. Wait there for 45 minutes wife now shivering and freezing. Huddled together at the bust stop in his and her ponchos like two puppies in a pet store waiting for adoption.

Bus finally comes. Board bus and ride it forever until eternity in freezing cold blasting AC. Wife has chills. Husband sniffles. And then it's time to change buses once again. Wife now wishing she hadn't drank both Cafe Au Laits in one sitting. While waiting for second bus of 25 more they need to take wife pops into dime store and considers buying men's XXXL sweatpants and socks which she will put on then and there but husband rightly so talks her out of.

Rest of trip home a blur. Make it despite all odds. Most importantly still married. Maybe no tan but two ponchos to bring home as souvenirs.


At 7:14 AM, Blogger Floridora said...

So sorry about that. It is beautiful today. 80 degrees and clear blue sky.
You may hate me now.

At 9:54 AM, Blogger Ilona said...

Sorry you had such a crap day... but you got a really good story out of it! Made me laugh.

At 12:08 PM, Blogger dml said...

ah miami. those downpours are epic. but when you're stuck out in little havana in sandals & a poncho eating ropa vieja they can put a damper on things. n.b., it happens every afternoon in the summer. just the price you pay for that tropical beauty.

At 2:04 PM, Blogger FuntimeBen said...

Awesome video... I love how small and defeated you both look in ponchos. I shall carry that image with me forever.

At 8:10 PM, Blogger posthipchick said...

That video was priceless! I just loved how E shook his head through the whole thing, like "How is this happening? This isn't happening."

Killed me.
Glad you're home safely (& still married).

At 8:15 PM, Blogger catsteevens said...

I'm amazed you used public transportation in So Fla. Don't ever do that again ;)

And floridora is correct. It is gorgeous outside, and has been for the past two weeks (minus a day). Somehow you picked the one cold week in Miami. Funny post though.

At 8:10 AM, Blogger Plantation said...

You mean you came to the 'hood and didn't call? Shame shame...

At 5:02 PM, Blogger . said...



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