Thursday, March 02, 2006


When you are the new person at the office you do the following:

-Randomly blurt out in the elevator – despite not being an early morning talker yourself - “Hi! I’m new here!” and extend your hand to a nice smiling man that probably didn’t even know he was smiling and was really just half asleep

-say when introduced to the 2nd person in line to the CEO – ‘oh do you work here?’ not knowing that um…yeah they work here having been introduced to them only as, ‘This is Joe Smith…’ and nothing else

-make many trips to the water cooler hoping someone will talk to you about anything at all – sports even

-spend lots of time with the supply order catalogue and then carefully flip the pages doing some price comparison shopping to be sure you order a three hole punch that isn’t the $31.99 one and rather the $9.99 one so people don’t think you are trying to be a big supply ordering snob

-despite being hired to do what you do, ask three people to help you figure out why your tape deck has no audio and then realize um…you need to rewind the tape and say sorry you aren’t used to this machine (which is true)

-go to make yourself a cup of tea in the kitchenette but when arrive become overwhelmed by super deluxe Flavia machine and unbelievable amount of choices of beverages so just sort of pretend to grab a napkin and run off

-in the late afternoon REALLY hoping to make some tea swing back through the kitchenette – empty now – get a cup for hot liquids, choose a tea bag and walk to machine. Machine has close to 27 buttons on it none of them simply HOT WATER which is what you hoped for all along.
Several people gather behind you so you grab your cup of half decaf/green tea/half chocolate and blow on it likes it's hot pretending you like it that way only to dump the concoction moments later in the ladies room

-when riding elevator after grabbing lunch (alone) recognize co-worker in elevator. Make some friendly small talk. But you get off one floor before co-worker and think to yourself – ‘Huh. Guess they aren't going to that floor.’ Realize as you exit moments later and run into very same co-worker that elevator in fact gets off on your floor (and his) and you don’t have to hoof it up that giant flight of steps to reach the floor you both work on as you have been doing each and every time this entire week


At 8:23 AM, Blogger aaannnaaa said...

At least you were exercising your legs! Steps are great! ;) Are you enjoying? ;)

At 3:45 PM, Blogger the belligerent intellectual said...

When I started my last job I took a bagel off a large plate, thinking it was the last of a spread of bagels put out for the employees. Then I get back to my desk and overhear a woman complaining that someone stole her bagel from the break room. Gotta love the adjustment period.

At 4:52 PM, Blogger CaerLiveSound said...

The hardest part of every new job is just finding your way around and fitting in. It's embarrassing to ask too many questions, like: where is the bathroom? where can i get an envelope? do YOU have an envelope I could use? where is the exit? because I need to run out of here screaming.
My first day as a waitress, someone asked for a coffee "light and sweet." I'd never heard that. I didn't know it meant cream and sugar. And as I was standing there, afraid to ask them and look like an idiot, trying to figure it out (it had SOMETHING to do with coffee), the line at the counter was backing up to the door and out onto the street and the customers sitting down were starting to throw coffee mugs (well, not that last part, but...). So then I asked, "Would you like cream and sugar, too?" I don't even remember how they answered me but I almost went home crying.

At 10:08 PM, Blogger alissa said...

Those damn Flavia machines... At my last office job you had to pay a quarter for each coffee/tea/hot chocolate. But woo-hoo...the boiling water was on the house.

Still curious to know what it is you're doing at the new job..

At 10:17 PM, Blogger posthipchick said...

I HATE first days on the job. You spend the whole time trying to look like you know what the fuck you're doing, when really you're just thumbing through that benefits package one more time.


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