Saturday, April 15, 2006


Dear Selfish Man On Crowded Early Morning Subway,

Call me crazy - but I'm pretty sure your toasted poppy seed bagel with cream cheese doesn't need a subway seat of it's own while you read the paper.

I'm guessing your bagel didn't work a double shift last night like the very tired looking woman dressed in a nurse's uniform to my right leaning against the pole as if it is truly holding her up.

I'm guessing your bagel...didn't have to stay up late after coming home from a full day of work to bake three trays of cupcakes for your young son's bday like the woman to my left who is doing her best to balance the cupcake trays while also holding on to her young son's hand, his jacket and his tiny backpack.

Shot in the dark here - but I'm pretty sure your bagel...isn't wearing high, uncomfortable heels and carrying a heavy looking black portfolio on it's way to what appears to be a job interview like the woman directy in front of you.

And oh look. A pregnant woman has just come aboard. If I had a seat I would give it to her but no. Whatever you do don't let your bagel step in. In fact let the woman wearing a baby Bjorn carrier on her chest complete with newborn - offer her seat to the pregnant woman and you poppy seed have a nice ride.


At 12:02 PM, Blogger jayKayEss said...

wtf didn't you yell at him?

At 1:13 PM, Blogger posthipchick said...

I'm screaming "ASSHOLE" from 3,000 miles away.

At 1:29 PM, Blogger kaymaria said...

I DO NOT miss that weird subway seat body language - I also hate the people that sit in the middle of three seats. I would deliberately sidle up and squeeze my big ol' booty (my husband likes back!) next to Those People just out of pretense. And I'd do the same thing with Poppy Seed and act all innocent like I didn't see said bagel and be all, "Why would you put a bagel in an empty seat?" [innocent blinking]

At 4:21 PM, Blogger catsteevens said...

Amazing. Those kind of people just amaze me.

Reminds me of my recent trip to the movies, where the theater was packed. A young couple asked a woman to move over ONE SEAT so they could sit together, since all that was left were single seats. You think she moved over ONE SEAT?!??? Nope.

All I can hope for is Karma.

At 7:53 AM, Blogger dani said...

i don't get why this fuckwit could get away with this? are you guys seriously that polite in NY you wouldn't tell him where him and his bagel could get off.

we're definitely not that polite here in sydney.

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Tibetan Underworld said...

I would have eaten his bagel.


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