Wednesday, September 27, 2006

STUPID ANNOYING PEOPLE ON SUBWAY THAT WATCH TOO MUCH FOX NEWS

Today after work I took a Yoga class. Actually it's taught at my work which sounds odd but it isn't. It's quite nice and also convenient. Alas...when it was over I took my nice Zen self to the subway where I proceeded to immediately lose any and all relaxation as I then had to wait close to 20 minutes for a stupid train to come in the 10,000 degree subway station.

Then I boarded the train. I headed to the only seat available next to a hipster girl with hair in her eyes with giant boobs who was acting so cool reading her cool book blah blah. But her bag was in the empty seat and as I hovered over her she SIGHED and slowly moved her bag from the empty seat. Um...

When I sat down I closed my eyes trying to regain anything at all learned and leftover from my Yoga class. But then a large man crushed my foot. I opened my eyes to a big Italian American guy around my age, gold chain around his neck, dark hair combed back neatly, a wild black and white shirt on with glitter and patterns and 'Euro' jeans with perfectly ripped holes in exactly all the right places. White shoes.

He said: (quite loudly) WOAHHHHHHH! SORRY!!!!!!

Which startled me and even the cool girl next to me.

Me: Um...it's fine. Really.

And then he tettered his way over to lean his back on the subway car doors. He was drunk.

How did I know he was drunk? He was hiccuping. Like a drunk person in a cartoon. And he was saying the occasional loud thing to no one in particular in a slurred speech like, "BACK OF THE SUBWAY CAR. THAT'S WHERE WE'RE STANDING" or "ALL THESE SIGNS AND POSTERS" and then pointing to an ad at the top of the subway car but not able to keep his arm up too long in the air before it fell down to his sides with a slap.

It's uncomfortable to watch a 'put together' person drunk. Something extra sad about it. Did his girlfriend dump him? Did he get fired from his job? Were the shiny silk pants at Club Monaco actually NOT on sale as he had hoped? He tettered some more when the doors opened. People started to move away.

Then a somewhat clueless pregnant woman holding what appeared to be take out Mexican food sat down in an empty seat right underneath where the drunk guy clung on for dear life to the subway pole above her. His eyes rolled into the back of his head. He almost fell when the subway jerked out of the tunnel. I was afraid he was going to fall on her.

And then...some dry heaves and then...he puked. A subway chorus of "UGH!!!!!". People scattered like roaches. Luckily pregnant lady got up and out of there in time. I found myself saying something random and smartass out loud, "Saw that coming!" to no one in particular.

Worse - a crazy woman to my left (who had given her salad to a homeless man earlier on the train only after saying, "I hate salad. The dressing is horrible. Here take it.") stared at the puke and said in all seriousness to the woman next to her,

"I wonder if he has the E. Coli Virus from eating spinach? It's going around."

11 Comments:

At 6:48 AM, Blogger Floridora said...

Oh Gawd! that's a new sensation! -- Laughing while totally disgusted!

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger Sara said...

Ugh. Seriously? I've had some similar bus encounters, but nothing like that. Maybe you should take a cab home from yoga sometimes.
The spinach thing is crazy. The grocery store had to post a sign above the fresh & locally-grown, organic spinach reminding people it was okay to eat. So much fear.

 
At 7:45 PM, Blogger mollykath said...

Sadly the most surprising thing about this story is that I wasn't on the puke train (has happened to me twice). Was it the eff-you F Train? Because it sure sounds like it could be.

 
At 8:37 AM, Blogger Darren Mallory said...

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At 3:27 PM, Blogger dicconzane said...

Made me smile. A quote I love though will some day have to google (oops can't say that apparently)... will have to use google to find out who said it is, 'a little wisdom is a dangerous thing.'

Diccon

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger Sofi said...

That is so great. If I lived in New York, I would have a blog about what happends on the subway.

 
At 2:56 AM, Blogger leyla said...

I can completely imagine and hear the e. coli lady in my mind..
been there, to situations similar to it, countless times.

 
At 6:09 PM, Blogger sac said...

Saw you and slower-man in Newsweek. What the hell!?

 
At 2:38 AM, Blogger Milky said...

innercity living :) you get it all. the great yoga class and vile people on train.

*karin (karibombari.com)

 
At 3:23 PM, Blogger bahar19852010 said...

I'm started to feel the virus creeping... scary...



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At 5:09 AM, Blogger ader45 said...

e coli virus... hahaa , maybe maybe not


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