WHERE WAS I?
Hello. Woah. I have not been writing on my blog. Have you noticed? All two of you out there that dare check in still? Well here I am. More importantly - how have you been?
WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING THAT IS KEEPING ME FROM BLOGGING:
WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK AND MORE WORK
I do not blog about work so you'll have to dream up your own scenarios. Be sure to involve lots of images of me eating from the vending machine and lots of tossing and turning at night.
Well...attemping to. The other day at the gym I decided to take a belly dancing class. The teacher was Caribbean and beautiful and had long dreadlocks and wore a fringe scarf around her waist. She asked the class of chicks to divide our bodies "in half" moving only the upper half of our body at times and then only the lower. For someone who has spent a lifetime totally and completely disconnected from my body - this was hard. Really hard. What do you mean I have a body? And wait - what? I can divide it in half? The teacher kept her eye on me throughout the class. I couldn't blame her. I was like a teenage guy trying to belly dance in a room full of soulful chicks. The teacher leaned over and just said, "Keep coming to class".
Today alone I have done five loads of laundry. Sheets. Towels. Blankets. Socks. Underwear. T-shirts. Sweatshirts. Cloth napkins. Tablecloths. I do not have kids. Why do I have so much laundry? So far I have also washed by mistake - 3 Metrocards, 1 $20 bill, a few coins, my gym schedule, shrunk E's new black wool sweater and somehow washed the fuse for his amp which was in the pocket of his jeans. Um. I need help.
I have been busy sending postcards. Nobody sends postcards anymore. Why? I love postcards. If you send me one I might send you one back. Then again I might not because the whole point of this blog is how I have no time at all for anything:
P.O. Box 30106
New York, NY 10011
MY SUPER COOL PROJECT
I have been busy working on my super cool project which I will not tell you about unless you send me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org and say you want to be part of it.
Ok. Jane the cat has been killing mice. Gross I know. Last Sunday I found her positioned next to the sink staring directly into the gap between our stove and sink. Went out for 6 hours only to find her in the exact same position when I returned home. A mouse. In the middle of the night I heard EEK EEK SQUEAK EEK EEK and in the morning woke to a half chewed mouse on my kitchen floor. One of two - the second also caught by Jane later in the day. As I said. Gross.
LISTENING TO HIGHLY ANNOYING PEOPLE EVERYWHERE I GO
Sometimes I wonder if annoying people are only attracted to me. Must surround me and only me at all times. Like the group of nine standing outside of a the new Brooklyn eatery Palo Santo I ate at the other night. They were pissed that the restaurant couldn't seat all nine of them at prime time 8PM on a Friday night and as I patiently waited for my table like the others standing around I had to listen to the complaining group of nine say things like, "Well the least they can do is put the champagne I brought on ice for me. Let me go ask." or "The least they can do is bring us some appetizers outside while we wait." on and on and on and on. Why? Seriously. Why?