IN THE NAME OF STOCKING STUFFERS
I hate when you go into a store that has the potential for some silly Christmas stocking stuffer type gifts but it’s called something embarrassing like, “Bedazzled Jazzy Jams” or something of the like and you hope and pray you don’t run into anyone you know – and then when you enter the doors of BJJ they act like you’ve just walked through the doors of Bergdorf Goodman and ask you to please ‘check your bag’ which is the size of a 4x6 photo in fear you might steal something from the store which is no bigger than an ice cream truck. And worse - once you make it through high security the ‘bouncer’ of Bedazzled Jazzy Jams – a large man with a skull and dagger tattoo on his forearm - hands you a tiny wicker basket lined with blue and white gingham fabric and asks that you please put any merchandise you may want to buy in the basket as you walk around. And then you say all tough and annoyed,
“What if I don’t want to carry a basket?” which is overheard by the sourpuss cashier who flashes a stern glance to the Bedazzled Jazzy Jams bouncer who at this point looks like he might take you out back - so you are then forced to grab the stupid basket and walk around the store like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz without her Toto.
I hate that.