Saturday, February 03, 2007

SHE WANTS TO KNOW

Recently I stumbled across a health fair. Due to my recent back pain I thought to myself, "Hey wow. Perfect timing." And what do you know? There was a guy there with a card table and a giant skeleton on a wire ready to solve all my problems. For free.

So I waited patiently. The line wasn't too long and I passed the time scanning the table with its plethora of health pamphlets that read like the opening lines to infomercials - "TIRED OF SEVERE BACK PAIN?", "PINCHED NERVE GOT YOU DOWN?", etc. I even spotted a pamphlet on Sciatica which I was tempted to pocket for Helen my senior citizen Brooklyn neighbor who I pass on a regular basis to which our exhange is always the following:

K: Hi Helen! How are you?
H: Not good. I got sciatica. In both butts.

The doc on call was a Chiropractor. Nice guy with a 'could be a friend of Tony Sopranos back in the day' look about him. His hair was neatly combed back and his gold chain gleamed in the the light.

He asked me some questions. Wheeled the skeleton over. Asked that I stand up so he could feel my spine. Just then his phone rang. It was on the table and went off to the unfortunate tune of La Cucaracha.

He yelled agressively at his assistant who was handing out pamphlets...

Tony Chiropractor: LISA!
Tony: LISA! GET THE PHONE!
Tony: (to me) Sorry about that...
Lisa: (picks up Tony' cell phone) Uh-huh-oh I don't know. Let me ask him.
Tony: (to me) So as I was saying...your back needs..
Lisa: Tony. Sorry to interrupt. Maria is on the phone.
Tony: Lisa...I'm with a client
Lisa: I know Tony but...
Tony: Lisa...what does she want?
Lisa: She wants to know what kind of (points to her head) you need...
Tony: What?
Lisa: She wants to know...what kind of (points to top of her head again) you need...
Tony: What the fu...what?
Lisa: MARIA WANTS TO KNOW WHAT KIND OF GEL YOU NEED!
Tony: Oh...Jesus Christ.
Tony: Tell her the same stuff I always get!!!
Tony: (to me) Sorry about that...as I was saying...

All I know is that I walked away more tense that when I arrived.
Glad it was free.

14 Comments:

At 7:41 AM, Blogger Marilyn said...

Sorry it was such a crappy experience...but it makes for a great story.

 
At 10:44 PM, Blogger M-m-m-m-m-m-m-Momo said...

I love this.

 
At 3:36 AM, Blogger emmapeelDallas said...

LOL! Oh, I'm laughing so hard my back hurts...

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger Omar Cruz said...

Head Shop, Herbal Grinders ,Bongs, Glass Pipe. Visit us for more info at: http://www.headshopinternational.com/

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger Omar Cruz said...

Head Shop, Herbal Grinders ,Bongs, Glass Pipe. Visit us for more info at: http://www.headshopinternational.com/

 
At 3:43 PM, Blogger M-m-m-m-m-m-m-Momo said...

Hello? Helloo? Please come back, Kdunk!

 
At 4:29 AM, Blogger Jonathan said...

I suffer from a lot of back pain due to a car accident when I was a child. When it happened I was in pain for a while but after I healed I had very little trouble until I was 15 and my muscles started to develop, I started getting a lot of lower back pain and have suffered with it ever since. That is until recently when I stumbled across memory foam mattresses. They adjust to the shape and weight of my body to support my back perfectly and let me sleep soundly. I can’t even imagine being able to sleep without my memory foam mattress anymore!

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger Adli Yusof said...

Hi,

A lot of informative content here. Good sharing with your readers and visitors. Keep it up this amazing work

Cheers,
comparing weight loss programs | best spyware removal

 
At 12:05 AM, Blogger hajarwan said...

Hi,
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. Great post, concise and easy to understand. I like this post..

I found out that this blog is very interesting and informative.
Best of luck to you!

Cheers,
New Delhi Budget Hotel
Budget Hotels and Resorts

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger pedro velasquez said...

I would say that this is the dumbest list I've ever read, but I see links sportsbook to a few other Men's Health treasures that are sure to replace it. Most of these "signals" aren't signals at all, and the rest are so painfully obvious that if you don't understand what a woman is trying bet nfl to tell you, you should just give up on women all together.
Shame on you, fellow female, for compiling this incredibly ridiculous list that will surely mislead hundreds of clueless men.
http://www.enterbet.com

 
At 7:41 PM, Blogger pedro velasquez said...

I would say that this is the dumbest list I've ever read, but I see links to a few other Men's Health treasures that are sure to replace it.dominical costa rica tours

Most of these "signals" aren't signals at all, and the rest are so painfully obvious that if you don't understand what a woman is trying to tell you, you should just give up on women all together.

Shame on you, fellow female, for compiling this incredibly ridiculous list that will surely mislead hundreds of clueless men.
http://www.dominicalcostaricatours.com

 
At 3:04 PM, Blogger bahar19852010 said...

Jesus Christ man....


Wow, your writing was very natural,
keep up.. And just want you to know, I like your way of writing…
Cheers,
buy generic fioricet cheap no prescription
cheap generic fioricet

 
At 4:58 AM, Blogger ader45 said...

haha,

at least its free


Cheers,
how to get rid of bad breath

 
At 12:08 AM, Blogger mazan said...

good

 

Post a Comment

<< Home


powered by SignMyGuestbook.com