Daily Confession: Today I kept my lipstick in my right boot.

Hi.
Have you ever worked a 375 person corporate holiday party?
Well I have. And it isn't pretty. At first is feels sort of joyous.
And then I am put on coat check duty where I am responsible
for tagging, storing and fetching 375 indistinguishable black
coats, black bags and black umbrellas. Don't people wear
pink anymore?

Have you ever worked a 375 person holiday party -buffet style?
Well I have. And it ain't pretty. Buffets are crazy. You have to
explain what everything is over and over again and when food
trays are empty you have to run up two flights of stairs
repeatedly to carry down hot steaming heavy trays of food
that nearly cause you to break out in instant acne.

And by the time you return to the buffet, there is always
the night's Mr. 'Yup I'll Be The Guy Holding Up The Buffet Line'
guy who says things in all seriousness like,"Something just
moved in that dish!" while pointing to a very stagnant and
innocent Endive and Onion salad. And I have to shout over
'Dancing Queen' blaring, "No sir. I think that's actually just
the light bouncing off an Endive."

I think it should be Taboo to play 'Taboo' anywhere other than a cabin in Maine

Yesterday I was mad and grouchy. I hold the following ten
things personally responsible for my horrific mood:

1.) People that chew with their mouth open
2.) People that walk down the street linked arm in arm a la
"Rockettes style" not allowing me to move past them
3.) Cher
4.) My old fucked up Yard Sale amp from high school that
only works when it feels like it
5.) Money-having none
6.) The nasty dirty foaming at the mouth type squirrels in
Union Square park that remind me just how far from nature I truly am
7.) Thanksgiving joke emails sent to me by every family member
8.) Every family member
9.) Thanksgiving
10.) People that take one hour showers when they share a bathroom

and that is only the beginning...

"CHRIST DIED FOR OUR DUNKIN' DONUTS"