Happy B'Day Sis

My lil' sister is 23yrs old. That is scary. She reminded me at
her bday dinner that one time when she was little I made
her a bday cake with a fish drawing on it with a gummy
worm candy coming out of the mouth of the fish. She also
reminded me that I didn't stick around to eat that cake
because I was on my way to a political rally of some sort
in Washington, DC. Oops.

SLEEPWEAR MAKEOVER

I never thought I'd be one of those chicks
that wears the same damn thing ever night
to bed because it's freezing and frankly I
don't care. But I am. I am that chick. My
particular outfit consists of an oversized
gray fleece hooded sweatshirt I was given
about ten years ago, blue running pants
(who me? run?) with a white stripe down
the side and oversized dude's socks. No
need for them to match either. My latest
addition to this sexy ensemble is on the
really, really cold nights I walk around the
house with a blue fleece throw blanket
wrapped around my waist. Wow.

For the record it's not like I'm wearing this
but ok...technically at my age and 'status'
I should be wearing something with a name
like corset-inspired babydoll right?

This topic makes me think of my grandmother.
She was a very glam woman at my age. Even
when she was older I recall going to wake her
up in her bedroom and she was always wearing
honey colored silk pajamas, fuzzy heeled slippers
by the bed, earrings, a silk eye mask and not a
hair out of place. It was like the woman had just
returned from the Oscars-but in her pajamas.

Perhaps it's time for a sleepwear makeover.

GOLDEN GLOBES AWARDS SUMMARY

Boobs were the new black.

More from GAWKER-Breast in show...

KDUNK SPELUNKED

Yes. That's right. KDunk once spelunked. Thanks to the
little blurb re:spelunking on my pal Lockhart's web site
I was reminded of this very thing that I did many years
ago.

I went to an all women's college. When you go to an all
women's college they encourage you to do wacky nutty
things because basically there are no boys around for
distraction. When in god's name under any other
circumstance would a young freshman gal like myself
agree to take a weekend trip 'spelunking' where at a
co-ed facility my weekend plans might involve some
senior guy's hand up my shirt while we drank Schlitz
beer in the comfort of his dorm room? Alas...

Ten of us including my best friend and I and our guide
from the college outdoor program headed in a van to
the caves of West Virginia. After strapping on our
headlamps and zipping up our white union suits, we
plunged forth into the cold, damp, dark cave. (For all
you lame guys reading the sexual undertones of this
-get over it) Anyway, we ate our lunch in the cave with
our flashlights on. When we were done the guide told
us to click them off and see how dark it was. Wow.
Dark. We plunged forth until we got to a point in the
cave where the guide put his hands on his hips and
with a nonreassuring, "Huh...that's wierd..." looked
around and said to us,

"Well...it looks like we've come to an interesting fork
in the road ladies. We now have two options. You
can either #1. take the left tunnel where you will have
to wade through water up to your hips while a few bats
are flying around or #2. you will have to crawl through
a tiny tunnel on your stomach and won't be able to
breath for sixty seconds until you get to the other
side. The choice is yours."

(May I remind you that this was back in the day before
there were such reality TV shows as "Fear Factor" to
use as any point of reference. ) So what did I do? I
chose #2. Crawl in the tunnel and not breath for sixty
seconds. And can I say? It really sucked.

If I were to be hypnotized in therapy to pinpoint the
EXACT moment in which I became a person that suffers
from minor claustrophobia I can honestly tell you it was
this moment. Me-in a white union suit-freshman year of
college-crawling on my stomach through a tunnel of a
dusty cave not breathing until I was yanked out the
other side by a toothless guide like I was a baby
being born.

I mean...which one would you choose?

PARTY

NOW THAT'S A BELLY

One of my favorite blogs to read is dooce".
If you haven't read her you are missing out.
Right now she has an impressive display of
growing belly shots worthy of a peek. Even
if you're a guy.

So That Is Who Answers Those Ads

Last night I met a girl who said she has the
best apartment deal in Manhattan. I couldn't
help but pry, "Oh yeah? Why is that?" She
went on to tell me that she inhabits a place
in Gramercy Park for $375 a month. Excuse
me???!! I asked while choking on my drink.

Her: "Yeah. I answered an ad on Craigslist.
A thirty-four year old wall street exec seeking
live-in, non-smoking female for light chores.
Cheap rent, own room and grocery allowance
provided."

Me: "Do you have to sleep with the guy?"

Her: (shocked) "Not at all! In fact I just iron
his shirts and do some light dusting. He works
late every night. In the morning he asks that I
make some coffee and pour him some juice.
I offer to make eggs or something but he never
wants it. I'm really chatty when I first wake up
but he's not a real big morning person."

Me: "And how is the grocery allowance working
for you?"

Her: "Two words: Fresh Direct"

Food Geek Flashback

In 8th grade Home Ec class we were asked to stand up
in front of the room in the mini-kitchen and present the
step by steps involved in making a meal. Any meal of our
choice.

While the average meal most of my stoned, Long Island
classmates chose involved some form of orange, powdered
Kraft product-mine did not. More Than Donuts, in a fit of
culinary delusion decided on a nice 'grilled asparagus with
a light hollandaise sauce' for her presentation.

Can you say...spitballs?

Moby's Tea Shop

Today two friends stood me up at Moby's
tea shop. I wouldn't be within miles of Moby's
tea shop unless to meet these two friends-
friends of Moby-at Moby's tea shop.

I got a scone and a small pot of English tea.
While waiting I was asked to move to two different
tables to make room for the other people meeting
their friends-friends that showed up. The waiter
was nice. I think he felt sorry for me. He kept
asking if I was still waiting for 'my friends' to
show. Yes. I think so I said.

There was a man in there-a man that did not
belong in Moby's tea shop. He had giant, extending
elbows that kept poking me in the ribs. He had a
long foot that kept kicking me by mistake from
under the table. He was blathering loudly on his
phone saying, "Sorry. I'm in a loud restaurant."

When I was done I paid my bill of $6.52 for a scone
and a pot of tea. I walked out into the freezing cold.
A draft down below alerted me to the fact that my
zipper was open the whole time.

Gotta Love Craigslist

So my company idea is SLOWLY and I mean
slowly getting off the ground. Not in a bad
way. Just a way that means I need to take
up some side work (a lot) in order to make
this really happen. It's all good. And worth it.

This morning while scanning Craigslist for
work this is what I found:

Women to Socialize at Business Event

Well spoken, composed women needed to mix
with business men at a party. You will be expected
to converse and hang out for a few hours at a party
in a lovely apt on the upper east side. The party guests
are extremely powerful, wealthy business men who are
here for a good time and absolutely NO sex, touching,
or over-drinking. You will need to dress and act
appropriately.

Compensation: $50, and gourmet dinner with wines

Huh. I've been to parties like this before. Except I
said, 'This party blows let's get outta here.' Nor did
I receive $50.

Pete Rose-Wait...have we dated?

Recent quote from former baseball player
Pete Rose that flashes More Than Donuts
back to dudes she has dated in the past:

"I'm sure that I'm supposed to act all sorry
or sad or guilty that I've done something
wrong. But you see, I'm just not built that
way. Sure, there's probably some real emotion
buried somewhere deep inside. But I'm sorry.
This is who I am."

I think I might have man hands.

Did anyone else get studded thong panties from a distant
relative for Christmas? Just curious.

I'M BACK. OR AM I?

Since I last blogged...a Christmas celebration. A death in
the family. A reunion. My best friend's wedding. A birthday.
An illness. New Years.

6.5 hours logged on a train
3.0 hours logged in a car
1.5 hours logged on a ferry boat
10 hours logged on a bus

2004. Ready. Set...