I Want My Swami

Last night More Than Donuts was freezing
and was forced to stop at the most hated store
Old Navy to buy herself a scarf. Trying to
avoid eager salespeople wearing felted Santa
hats, More Than Donuts quickly headed to the
very back of the store to the sales rack. After
finding a simple black scarf, More Than Donuts
headed to check out and was greeted by a friendly
sales man staring at the Swami pin on her jacket.
Sales man wore an Old Navy visor and a head set.

'What does your button say?' he asked and squinted.
'Swami'
'Do you know a Swami?' he asked.
'No actually. My pin is Swami as in Swami Records-
a record label.'
'I am Hindu and I have a Swami. It took me two years
to find him.'
'Wow, really?'
'Yes. One day too you will have a Swami. You need to
meditate every day.'
'Meditate for a Swami?'
'No. Just meditate. You may feel lost now but keep going.
You are on the right path.'

With that...Old Navy salesman smiled, gave me cash back,
flicked off the light to his register and headed down isle
four.

Speaker Phone Dick

I hate when someone calls the office on speaker phone
like Joe Executive Dick and types frantically at an ear
piercing volume and after I pick up and say, "Hello" they
just say loudly and all deadpan like "MARIA" and I say,
"Excuse me?" and they say "MARIA" and I say "Excuse
me?" over and over again playing dumb secretary until
they are finally polite enough to pick up the fucking phone
and say, "Hello, is Maria there please."