KDUNK POLL

Hi. It's me KDunk.

I am conducting a little poll. My goal is to have every person that looks at this web site today leave a comment.

You don't have to say much. Just hello. Just 'I hate this blog.' Whatever you'd like. Although it would be amazing if you left me a clue to your age or where you live or what you do and a link to your site if you have one. Are you a dude or a chick? Why do you come here? What do you want more/less of? And if you know me tell me.

Please and many thanks.
xoxo

PEOPLE IN LOVE

People in love should not be allowed to ride the subway. I speak on behalf of all grumpy morning commuters like myself. I can barely keep my eyes open and when I do the last thing I want to see is the equivalent of cheesy outtakes from some love movie where people are rolling in the sand. But on the subway.

It's too early in the morning for all this 'making out' and flirty staring contests. Yes. Ok. You are the only two people on this train that had sex this morning. Good for you! So what. The only word that comes to mind is CANOODLE. The world's worst word right up there with 'PANTIES' or even the name of that bagel shop in NYC called 'BAGELRY' (shudder) which makes me want to go home and take a shower every time I see it.

Yesterday's offenders on the F train, groped one another like a couple of horny monkies. The guy stepped on my pinky toe (twice) - both times because he was 'going in for a tickle' while the girl moved away giggling. A few moments later the girl dropped her umbrella on the lap of an equally annoyed looking guy next to me. And as if a subway car full of irritated stares alone weren't enough to burn holes into their skulls, they continued.

By the time I got to my subway stop, I had had more than enough. As I walked towards the subway exit I actually felt compassion for the rest of my fellow passengers that had to ride more stops with these two. Pushing my way past the girl - her body now wrapped around the subway pole as if she were seconds away from giving a lap dance - I overheard the following comment whispered by some tough chick with a BRONX T-shirt to her friend,

W: 'Yeah. You wait until her ass gets big and he stays out all night. Let's see you then.'

TECHNICAL SUPPORT

E and I do a lot of things together but working out is not one of them. In fact I hate the idea of working out at all which is unhealthy and bad and I know it. Sometimes I think if I had a 'work out' buddy it would be more fun so once in a blue moon I blame him for this. Blame him for not coming with me to the gym. Yes you. You are to blame for this butt and these thighs.

I also blame all the great outfits. Everyone has these hot gym outfits and I’m always the one with the black cat hair covered leggings, low top orange sneakers and an old ratty Jane’s Addiction T-shirt from 11th grade. I’m convinced people around me are wondering who invited the ‘gym class extra’ from an old John Hughes movie.

My biggest problem of all (besides the butt and thighs) is that I always have gym panic when I go. I never know how to work all the gear and am too ashamed to ask. One time I was ‘working out’ on some complicated gym machine – something with poles, moving ski legs and twisting hips type motion – it was like being thrown into a rusty Cuisinart. The entire time as I plugged away at it I kept thinking, ‘This can’t be good for me. It just can’t.’ About 20 minutes later the buff gym guy behind the counter walked over and said, ‘Want me to turn that thing on for ya’?

Someone point me to the medicine ball.

Last night’s convo at 3am in the dark,

K: Let’s go to the gym together.
E: (sigh) Here we go again…
K: No seriously. I think it would be so much better than going alone.
E: Yeah. You’ve mentioned that.
K: Come on! It will be fun.
E: ‘Honey, grab your duffle and soap on a rope! It will be fun!'
K: Plus I never know how to work the machines.
E: So your saying your true motives are for technical support?
K: (flustered) Well...um..maybe.