Past Employment That Didn't Make The Resume

Cookie's
Waitress. Responsible for seating people and handing out
dirty menus with old food stuck on them. In charge of lying to
customers that things were 'out of season' when they were never
ever really on the menu. Endured sexual harassment from the
cooks on a daily basis and responsible for bailing out of jail
once a week my fellow employee, crack head waitress nick
named 'Pickle'.

Tax Reduce Services Inc.
Assistant to mad scientist/computer systems analyst hippie
guy who fought for homeowners that have been over-taxed.
Responsible for fetching him Fresca soda, buying him Finesse
shampoo at the local drug store, writing angry petitions in
his name and feeding his Cujo style dog named 'Rambo' that
hated women.

The Doof Pot
Storage Clerk. Responsible for unloading heavy, expensive, one
of a kind breakable pieces of glass and china from Italy that were
shipped in an itchy and scratchy hay like material I was highly
allergic to.

Sarah Solomez/Soap Maker/Artist
Gallery Assistant. Responsible for working in low lit,
factory style conditions for crazy disorganized feminist
woman artist. Responsible for carving hundreds of 'Venus'
and 'Penis' shaped soaps -using such things like soap cutters,
wax molds, veggie glycerin, various oils and foaming agents
all of which I assume will cause me to grow a third arm at
some point in my life..

Private Flute teacher
Private flute teacher to two middle school kids. One kid
had no rhythm at all nor would ever have. The other had
two front teeth missing making each and every note from
the flute sound like as someone once said "wind whipping
through an empty Pepsi can".