Just The Start...

Let me share a little tale about how my mother just
pulled me out of a meeting to ask me to please
try and track down before I leave work (at 5:35 to
dash over to Penn Station to catch a 5:45 train
home) a one pound bag of some obscure Japanese
sea salt that she has been just dying to have and
if I could please lug it the three hours it will take
me to get home which I will be for 48 hours.

Salad Greed

I got greedy with my salad toppings in today's take out
order. Plus it ended up costing $9.00. I don't know what
happened. I just went nuts. Might I suggest you DON'T
get the following on your salad-well at least not all at once:

-beets
-chick peas
-feta cheese (?)
-walnuts
-peas
-hard boiled eggs
-cheddar cheese (?)
-bacon (?)

I think I secretly wanted an Egg McMuffin.

Someone measured me today and I am 5'8"-
HEE HEE-that makes me glad.

Be My Guest

Why does Starbucks say, ‘Next GUEST please step down?’.
Last time I checked they are not a Bed & Breakfast, are they?
I don’t see no mint on my pillow. Plus I find their attempts to be
intimate very shallow because as soon as the lady dumps
change in my palm before I have a chance to grab my coffee
she’s already yelling in a booming voice, ‘Next GUEST please
step down!!!’ right in my face.

(*for the record I only go to Starbucks once in a blue moon…)

The Ashton Kutcher Fan Club

Do you think he'd write back?

Choking Alone-Not Fun

Have you ever choked when you were alone?
Not cough choke but full on choke where your
throat becomes the size of a pin tip and you
are literally gasping for air? Well I did this
morning. It was just me and the cat-the cat
staring up at me as I was about to die. At
least I thought I was. I could hear footsteps
upstairs of my landlord Heidi so I thought
at least I could run upstairs if need be.
Finally I just ended up zoning out to a state
of total relaxation so as to slow my heartbeat
down and not panic. Spooky. But I survived!

6th Grade Flashback

Nothing more to flash you back to 6th grade
then when a box of Carefree Thong pantiliners
drop out of your bag in front of an older guy
on the train and you are convinced he saw
the bright yellow writing on the box that says,
'With Stay-Put Wings!'