Check This Out

Eliot may be the first person on earth to have people
lined up to view his vacation photos. And trust me
when I tell you that they are hardly Grand Canyon,
snore bore, slide show material. In this case it's
a recent jaunt to Mexico where his photos explore
the grainy underbelly of Mexican culture including
everything from the butts of Mexican cheerleaders
to a wild muskrat on the beach. Be sure to leave
him a comment.

Somebody needs to tell Cindy Crawford that
her kids need a haircut.

Just so you know...people that live in New York City have
all of this stuff in their house. It's very 'New York'. In fact I
am using my taxi cab yellow, checkered, jumbo sized,
New York pencil with a tassle at this very moment.

Perhaps the skull and crossbones black hooded sweatshirt
was not the best choice of clothing to wear to conduct and
interview for a possible new employee for our company.
She kept staring at the dagger.

More Deep Thoughts

Do you ever buy an overpriced pair of jeans that look
dumpy on you? The kind where you stand in front of
the mirror in the dressing room and turn around in
them 7,000 times to be sure they don't totally look
dumpy on you and even though the voice inside you
screams 'you look like you have a load in your pants'
it isn't quite loud enough to silence the sound of your
credit card purchasing the very same jeans you end
up bringing home to your bathroom where you turn
around in them again 7,000 more times in 'better
light' (?) just to be sure they are in fact ok before
you rip the tags off which you eventually do and go
to bed after some chips and a beer and wake up,
throw on the jeans and say FUCK IT. I can't believe
I fucking look like I have a load in my pants. Cha
Ching.

Can anyone relate? Anyone?

Office Memo I Don't Mind Getting:

"Please buy a couple six packs of Corona
for office fridge as well as limes. Thanks."

How To Scare Your Parents

One time I came home from school with a
spooky drawing in purple marker I did of a
man with a long beard wearing a robe and
at the top of the page it said, 'Jesus is good
obey Jesus'.

Ways I Have Responded Thus Far To Weekly
Chain Emails I Get With Photos Of Friend's Baby:

-Growing so fast-wow!
-What a smile!
-Look at those eyelashes!
-Looks more like mom every day!
-Is that a tooth I see?

Ways I Really Want To Respond To Weekly
Chain Email I Get With Photos Of Friend's Baby:

-The photos you are sending me are huge. They
also often contain a virus. Can you please put
down the breast pump and learn a little thing or
two about Photoshop? Thanks.

-Your baby is ugly. I'm sure it will be cute when it
grows up but right now it is red and puffy and it's
head is cone shaped.

- I really don't need to see a photo of your baby's
private parts nor your baby in the process of getting
what looks to be a number two diaper change.

-Why have you nicknamed your poor child
'SnooKooNooPeePeeFace'? (*names have been
changed). This is not a flattering nickname nor will
it provide any advancement in the areas of your
child's developing self-esteem.

-You dress your child like a mini Britney Spears.
Your child is zero. The Nike shoes she is wearing
that cost you $700 will be in tomorrow's garbage.
Do your self a favor and spend the money on beer.

Dead Fish Report




We have our first dead fish in the new office fish tank.
Poor little guy. He's blue and tiny and yesterday was
getting his eyeballs sucked out by another fish of the
same kind. You know...a territory thing. Suck out the
the competition's eyeballs to show them who's boss.
I should try that sometime.

Hmmm...

Mom: "I took a look at that web site thing you have...
More Than Donuts...what's the name of your sister's
site?"