HIKING HONEYMOON - NOT

Every couple has their one 'issue'. You know, the one 'fight' that when it begins both parties throw their hands up in the air immediately in that 'here we go again' kind of way. When this fight begins it seems like it will never end. Each side, despite how smart or talented in debating, argues the same points over and over again. This fight lasts until the bitter end or until eventually someone gives up and goes to bed. When the lights are out and one of the two parties sighs dramatically in the dark - back turned - there is always the other person that just can't let it go saying, 'Well...I still think that...' and it all begins again. You know those fights. Our topic for fighting now and again is of all wacky things - hiking.

Forgive me for all you hardcore hikers out there, I know this sounds ignorant but I just don't 'get' hiking. The few times I've been have resulted in heavy breathing, sweating, inclement weather, slippery footing, ankles twisting, cuts from branches, blood, starvation (ok well almost), dehydration, getting lost and bugs. My god the bugs. When hiking people like E say to me, 'but what about the view?' When I hear this I want to throw a boulder at someone. Seriously. Someone take a photo and show me later. I'll meet you back at the camp where I will be reading and enjoying a nice cup of coffee by the fire.

I used to think it was because I am lazy but I don't think that is it. I just don't like it. I admire people that do it and in fact I am a little jealous. When E and I first started dating he suggested we go hiking and stay in a little B&B for the weekend somewhere out of the city. The idea sounded fantastic. At the time my hiking issues hadn't fully come to a head and plus when you are first dating someone you pretend you like everything they do so they ask you out again.

I headed straight to EMS the outdoor gear store to pick up all the hiking necessities aka some hiking outfits - new boots, windbreaker, etc. I may not have been experienced in this whole hiking thing but boy was I going to look great. Talk about 'revealing all' on your first weekend away together. Halfway through the mild hike E chose for us I had a complete meltdown. My new boots gave me blisters. I was out of shape. I was starving and tired. The bugs were sticking to the sweat on my neck. I couldn't catch my breath and yelled, 'This SUCKS!' and couldn't stop crying. I too am surprised the guy married me.

The second time we went hiking I was still in new relationship mode and while it was clear I wasn't the biggest fan of hiking I was still willing to try. Unfortunately, I couldn't have picked a more intense hiking crew than the people we were with on the trip. One couple had just returned from the mountains of Ecuador where they were living and hiked miles every day to get anywhere. The other couple was training for a triathlon. The third couple just returned from a three month stint hiking on the Appalachian trail. And then E and I. E was amazing and encouraging throughout the entire hike going at my pace which was about two steps every five minutes. It was as if I was giving birth. Eventually one of the bionic women we were hiking with bounded down the mountain in the time it took me to get half way asking if I wanted a banana. A banana? I couldn't even breath or talk lady but thanks anyway.

Did I mention I even brought up this whole hiking issue in our recent wedding vows? Oh yes I did. I said something along the lines of, 'I promise to love you forever and ever even though I might not ever go hiking with you EVER again'. People at the wedding laughed because they thought I was trying to be funny. But I wasn't. Ha.

Yesterday E and I took a lovely drive through the various small towns of Maine. It was a beautiful, sunny day but windy. In our travels we came across a small town here that is a famous pit stop for hikers traveling along the Appalachian trail from Georgia to Maine. (kill me now) I didn't see many women but did see many, many men - dirty and long bearded. Small packs on their backs lining up at telephone booths and stocking up on supplies.

K: So wait...these hikers hike for months???
E: Yes. They are hiking from Georgia to Maine. It's a long trip.
K: I wonder what it is like to date those guys...

Our car drove along and passed two hitchhikers that we quickly made eye contact with - two lanky, dirty, long bearded guys around our age or younger that obviously were part of hiking the Appalachian trail. E guessed they were hitchhiking to from town where they had gathered their supplies back to the trail. Something about the two guys seemed sweet. One guy had a fire red head of hair and long beard and the other guy just seemed young and happy.

E: Should we go back and get them?
K: I don't know. Should we? What if they kill us.
E: They are prob hoping we don't kill them.
K: Ok lets do it. Go back and get them.
E: You know these dudes are going to smell pretty ripe, right?
K: That's fine. Roll down the windows.

We swung the car around and picked the guys up. They were so thankful and so nice. And yes - smelly.

K: How long have you guys been hiking?
Guy#1: Oh...since early April
K: WHAT? 6 months???
Guy#1: (laughs) Yup.
K: Do you ever just freak out and want to go home?
Guy#2: (laughs) Yup. Pretty much daily.

I was stunned talking to them. It was so fascinating. I almost didn't want to drop them off despite their smell. These are men that hike every day. This is what they do. They make small pit stops here and there but see only around nine or ten people a day. One guy was from Virginia and the other Connecticut. The guy from Virginia had a girl back home and the guy from Connecticut met a girl on the trail.

Guy#2: Yeah...I met her on the trail. But she is three days ahead of me.
E: Wow - she is really kicking your ass.
Guy#2: Totally

Right before we dropped the guys off E told them we were on our honeymoon.

Guy#1: Oh that's cool! Congrats! We just ran into a couple that were on their honeymoon hiking the trail. You guys should do it!
E/K: (exchanging smirks)
K: Ah...no. Don't think we'd last too long on that one.

If he only knew.

CITY MOUSE

When I was a kid I used to enjoy a book about a city mouse and a country mouse that were cousins and how they swapped lives one weekend and the 'hilarity that ensued'. I don't remember much of the story but I must confess that being in Maine has certainly brought out the city mouse in me.

I kind of get freaked out easily. Not in an annoying way where one thinks to themselves, 'why did I bring this chick up here' - well ok it's best you ask E to confirm this - but rather more in a...city girl kind of way. For example two incidents come to mind since we have been up here:

THE CHIPMUNK INCIDENT
Ok. I don't know much about chipmunks. In fact I think it's safe to say that this trip was the first time I saw a chipmunk and while it's cute and stuff...I don't need one to be loose and running around on the inside porch. When it got in and bounced around from place to place on the porch like a pinball I locked myself inside and watched through the living room window as E ran around and chased it outside again.

Thinking that was done with...but it wasn't. Later I saw a chipmunk run into the shed where I had left the door open by mistake,

K: ACK! CRAP!
E: Jesus...what's wrong?!
K: A chipmunk is in the SHED!!!!
E: Honey, it's fine. It will run back out.
K: I mean...doesn't it eat wood?

(insert long stare from E, a laugh and then a long lecture on what chupmunks eat...ie: not wood sheds)

THE MOUSE INCIDENT
We were sitting by the fire having drinks and doing a puzzle. As E said we are practicing for our retirement. Have you ever done a puzzle? Puzzles as great as long as they don't have too much 'sky'. I start with the edges and E starts with the 'stuff' you know, the truck, the apple, etc. I also never look at the box while E holds actual pieces up to the box to see where they fit. I'm not sure what this says about us but it works in our favor because often we join our parts together right when things could potentially start to get annoying about doing a puzzle.

So back to the mouse...I grew up in an old house with mice. I am not afraid of them really but again much like the chipmunk I don't need to be best friends with them. I was sitting on a tiny stool doing the puzzle when the first mouse ran right past my leg. Each crackle of the fire later or shadow cast I was jumpy and couldn't relax. That night E put out traps - the nice traps where you can release the mice the next day. He got one. Day two he caught two. Day three one more. For all we know it's the same damn mouse over and over again coming back to the cabin hoping to catch another whiff of E's delicious pork tacos.

MARRIED IN MAINE

Hello from Maine where I am MARRIED. That's right. Last Saturday on the top of a roof in Brooklyn with the most amazing view of the Brooklyn bridge we got MARRIED. Then we had a rockin' fun party with a mariachi band at a local restaurant just down the block. I'm still on a high from the whole thing.

We've spent the first part of our honeymoon week in Maine acting like total love-struck idiots,

K: Um, HUSBAND...can you pass the milk?
E: Sure...WIFE
(giant beams of hearts streaming to and from our eyeballs)

As I said to E in the car the other day - thank god the honeymoon is only for the people that got married. Otherwise one could potentially lose friendships over how gay we are acting should we subject anyone else to this.

The wedding was a blast I have to say. People just seemed so happy, relaxed and excited. Not only did we have everyone we know and love in one place (almost everyone) I also had the pleasure of having all of my best friends from college there a few days before. I think it really helped me to chill out. I barely saw E. It was kind of good for the both of us. When seeing one another for the first time after a bit I think it added another element of WOW to to the whole experience.

My obsession about crying at my wedding was all for nothing - yes - I was totally obsessed prior to that I might cry at my own wedding. I know I know. Silly. I kept thinking, 'What if people see me? I'm not a 'pretty' crying person - instead my face gets all red and puffy.' Blah blah blah. In the end I didn't cry at all and not in a bad way. I was just so happy I couldn't believe it. Not only that but I think I was stunned by everything going on around me. I kept thinking to myself 'this is really happening...woah'.

I don't know if it is the blogger or writer in me but often I am always looking at situations - even ones I am experiencing at that very moment - from the outside in. For example this huge major life changing thing was happening to me and during the first five minutes of the ceremony all I kept obsessing about was how much the woman performing the ceremony was over pronunciating everything. I know she was doing so in order to speak clearly and loudly enough for everyone on the roof to hear but still I kept thinking about how much she reminded me of LeVar Burton from Reading Rainbow when he read stories to kids. I'm such a freak.

Now it's been a lovely week of relaxing. Currently my 'husband' (HEE HEE) is snoring on the couch under a fort of pillows and I am blogging with a glass of wine. Not much has changed in married life. And I have to say...that is a good thing.

Photo thanks to: http://www.flickr.com/photos/overshadowed