Tuesday, September 13

WHAT YOUR BODY TELLS YOU


Last Saturday E and I enjoyed an amazing home cooked Korean meal at the lovely home of J and R. They are both smart, talented, funny and interesting people. J is also an amazing cook. They have the world's most adorable baby too that they were kind enough to let me kidnap on my lap for a while.

Sadly towards the end of the night I began to fade. My body was detoxing from all the recent stress at work and home. A lovely meal and interesting conversation forced me to relax for the first time in a long while and by Sunday I was wiped out entirely.

While at dinner R and I talked about the body's reaction to stress. R confessed that when he is home he occasionally suffers from allergies and various ailments now and again. When he travels they all seem to disappear. I confessed about my 'stress eye' - a red bump that appears in the same spot under my right eye when I feel stressed. Sunday, the morning after the dinner I woke up and there it was. The same red bump under my right eye. It was as if I'd called it up from the dead.

Since Sunday I have been resting. I am not a good rester. I get anxious. I look around the house at all the things that need cleaning. I feel guilty taking time off of work. I think I should be writing. I so badly want to check the 3,000 wedding items still left to do off my list but can't. I get angry. I ask myself, "How can all this laying on the couch watching bad TV be the perfect cure for stress?" I just don't get it. I think I am stronger than this. And then I cough and cough and cough until it feels that my chest is on fire and I am forced to get back on the couch again for more resting. It's funny what your body tells you. It feels the need to remind you how much stronger it is than you on a constant basis.

The minute I do rest and let go the better I begin to feel. Funny how that is. The things that don't get done for the upcoming wedding will have to go undone. I look forward to having my strength back and am starting to remember what really matters. For now I'm off to make some lunch and finish watching Days of Our Lives.

Monday, September 12

GEEK LOVE


As part of our wedding planning we've asked various family members to contribute photos from our past as a little something we are gathering as a surprise. I have to say the photographic gems that have surfaced as a result have been quite a treat...and a horror.

Take for example this photo. The one of my sister and I. Me dressed like the biggest uptight 80's teen you might ever meet. How long it must have taken me to press those triangle patterend pants, so long to roll those cuffs, part those bangs in the middle so perfectly, wipe off those white shoes of any stains, etc. The thing that kills me most about this photo is my kid sister's face. For whatever reason she used to smile like this in photos for years as if someone were touching her inappropriately from behind. I can honestly say it still cracks me the hell up to this day.

I showed E this photo and he said:

E: Nice hair! (sarcastic snort)
K: What's wrong with my hair?! (defensive for no reason)
E: Um..it's BAD. And parted down the middle. And big and puffy. Nice pants too.

And then I pulled out the big guns:
K: Oh yeah? Well nothing can top this!

E: Oh god. Where did you get this?
K: That's right. Oh...but let me tell you...your hair looks GREAT here.
E: What happened to my nose?
K: Did you have plastic surgery and you haven't told me?
E: NO!

EMPTY NEST


I never was an animal person. It's not that I dislike animals it's just that because I didn't grow up with any I didn't understand them. Aside from two dime store fish named Tex and Rudy that my younger sister and I owned briefly - for many years we were a petless family of four.

It wasn't until years later did we all realize what we were missing. When I was away at college my freshman year, my mother suffering from empty nest syndrome back home took things a bit too literally. At Thanksgiving I came home to a cardboard box by the woodstove in our kitchen housing three chicks and a duck. By Christmas my parents had purchased a jet black Chow puppy. Come summer vacation I was afraid to come home. I couldn't imagine what would be waiting for me next. A cow? Some ugly snake? Who knew.

In my previous relationship, my husband at the time decided to buy a cat so I (me - the person with no pet experience) wouldn't get lonely when he traveled. Somehow convinced this was a good idea, I went with him to a house in the country where a woman was selling kittens. I watched as he reached his long arm into a cardboard box of kittens all looking quite cute but sort of like how I thought of other people's babies. Cutest for an hour or two and then it was time to go home. He decided to pick one, the wildest one in the bunch. The orange tabby male that clung most to his arm trying to scratch and bite him and I thought to myself...great. When we got back to Brooklyn I got a call from the woman who sold us the kitten. She was crying because she 'missed her baby'. I thought the woman was nuts but I listened politely on the other end of the phone.

It was a good cat. Well. Maybe not good. A loving cat but a wild, knocking over the garbage and the flowers and the magazine pile devilish type cat. It was a cat meant for the country not the urban indoor life of Brooklyn. It felt cruel never letting the cat go outside. Not to mention the fact he grew into a HUGE cat - just enormous the kind of cat you'd bring to the vet and everyone working there would go 'WOAH'.

When our marriage broke up the cat went with him. I told him to take it because I didn't want him to get lonely. During the break up a friend reminded me of years ago - the night before our wedding when I was trying to sleep and awoke repeatedly to the sound of the cat crunching on something. At the time I flicked on the light and was finally able to catch the cat in the act. It was chewing on a tiny wooden box of Guatemalan worry dolls a friend had recently picked up for me on a trip and had given me the night before the wedding. A sign? Perhaps.

All I know is that in the midst of the breakup I felt pain and loss on so many levels including my loss of having a pet. Somewhere along the line had I turned into that woman that had sold us the kitten way back when? Maybe. Pets are amazing and on some level when you bond with them they are like your babies. You get used to their funny little quirks and they yours. They give you little signs for everything. As crazy as it sounds, I had a bond with that cat and the two of us had a little routine that was different from the one it had with my ex. I felt guilty when I passed him the cat carrier. I felt like a mother having her child ripped away from her.

When I moved in with E he and Jane - his orange tabby female had been living together for many, many years. Believe me. Jane let me know this was the case. At first, Jane gave me the cold shoulder and liked to remind me who was boss with a few scratches here and there. Now it's hard to believe that was ever the case seeing how we seem to love each other equally. When I come home she runs to the door. When I sleep a minute over my alarm she jumps up and lets me know it. When I am sick she curls up right next to me. When I am cold or sad she licks my cheek and rubs her head against me. She lets me pick her up and spin her around while singing crazy songs. She even lets me call her stupid names that make me laugh and E cringe such as 'Fluffy' and more recently 'Bobby Christina' (child of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston).

Watching all the Katrina coverage has been devestating on so many levels. Hearing a best friends tales of her missing father. Hearing tales of another friend unable to still find her mother. Watching the footage of people suffering and the poor animals. Animals stranded on rooftops or driking contaminated water. Today I made a donation here because I began to cry when I saw a little orange tabby cat swimming for it's life to the nearest landing. It's the least I could do to give back to the animals that have given so much to me. The animals swimming, hungry and tired, sad and searching for the people they once loved and that loved them back.

COOKIE WUSS




Maybe when Bush is done getting his photo taken with more black people in New Orleans he can get back to the office in time to host a proper goodbye party for the recently resigned director of FEMA Michael Brown. After all, wasn't it Bush that said Michael did a "heck of a job" managing Katrina relief efforts despite news reports that Brown admitted he was not 'aware' of the 20,000 evacuees at the New Orleans convention center until 24 hours after it was blasted all over the news? Maybe Bush will get Michael a proper goodbye cake for the party. Perhaps a Carvel Cake. Maybe a Cookie Wuss.


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