Today is royal pain in the ass day
in so many ways you can't even
friggin' imagine. AGH!

Too Bad Our Daughter Was Abducted
But At Least Those Harp Lessons Paid Off

According to this morning’s news regarding
Elizabeth Smart’s first night back at home
with her family, the New York Times says that,

‘At the urging of her entire family, Elizabeth
struggled through a few songs on the harp,
complaining that she was out of practice
after nine months away.’

Listen up people! Give the kid a fuckin’ break!
Let her take a shower, check her email, read
a Teen magazine for Christ's sake.

I must admit I am a little 'extra' fired up about
this topic seeing that as a kid I always felt
tremendous pressure from my family to
perform musically and hey-I wasn't even
out of practice due to being abducted.

Da.

Alex the young Russian DJ intern
here at work is the source of many
interesting factoids for me. Not only
did he just provide me with a list of
'must see' clubs to check out should
I ever go to Miami but he also warned
me not to leave my money or keys out
on the table because this is 'bad luck
according to Russian people'. Da. Who
knew.

Busted

For the person that did a recent
search for my name with the word
'naked' after it-I am sorry you were
brought to this link. There ain't no
T & A here honey. Well...I mean
there is but not for you to see.

Report From Florida:

Florida is wierd. People talk about
their Pomeranian pups.

Cat For Sale

When Jane the orange tabby cat
misses her owner this is what she
does to me in the middle of the
night:

-claw and eat my hair

-knock papers off my desk on purpose

-scratch and chew up precious photos

-claw my pillow

-lick my elbows, eyelids and feet

-goes into sock drawer and nudges out
socks one by one on to floor

-chews on pens at ear piercing volume

-claws at door and whines when i am in
the bathroom

Come home soon!!!!!

Wearing Last Night's Party

I liked my outfit last night. It wasn't anything great
or unusual. Just cozy and warm. I decided to wear
the same thing to work today except the only
bummer is I smell like last night's party complete
with cigarettes and beer.

Note to self: Multiple 'zombie' drinks on a school
night-not a great idea.

When Meat Patties Save The Day

So I’m totally diggin' the new job but gotta
say the location pretty much stinks. When
I step outside my office door I am immediately
surrounded by tourists with ‘Le Chateau’ bags
as well as a plethora of fast food joints to
choose from. Each day I walk the streets
in a hunger rage holding out as long as I
can before I succumb to a White Castle in
a last ditch attempt to fill my belly.

Today I discovered something amazing.
I found (just a few steps from my office)
three Jamaican bike messengers chillin’,
drinkin’ Ting and eating what appeared
to be some tasty looking meat patties
outside a tiny, brightly painted hole in
the wall place with a modest sign that
read, Golden Krust Patties, Inc. –“Home
Of The World’s Best Patties’.

Can I just confirm…having both lived and
worked in Jamaica long enough to develop
an opinion… that the Coco bread, Roti and
Meat and Veggie patties at Golden Krust
Patties, Inc. are damn good! I actually
wanted to order everything on the menu
but by the time I got to the end of my patties
I thought I might explode.

On a side note, here are two things I totally
tolerate from a typical Jamaican eatery
that anywhere else I may have a total
meltdown over:

-A line to order food forming yet apparently
not moving at all for a long period of time.
No sign of said line moving yet customers
waiting on line not seeming to care nor the
employees that work there.

-When placing order, not able to hear
person working at counter because music
is so loud...in this case Reggae.

I like when I try and depend on boys
for my technical problems and they
totally can't help at all and then
I get super frustrated but in the
end figure it out myself. That shit
feels good I tell ya.

Just Another Vote of Confidence

Every day at the office the boss and I go
upstairs to check on the construction
of our soon to be expanded office. The
team of guys working on the space are
all Chinese and they have given me a
Chinese nickname because I cough
every time I enhale dust when I go up
there. Just so you know my Chinese
nickname is ' Little Weak Lung'. Um
...thanks guys