BUSTED

So I went to Ethan's bday party the other night. Ethan is in my writing group. It was fun to go to Ethan's place because we never hang out outside of the group so while I 'know' him I don't 'know' him.

So standing by the snacks two girls approach:

Girl 1: How do you know Ethan?
Me: Oh. I'm actually in his writing group.
PAUSE-eyes dart between them
Girl 2: Wait...WHAT?!
Me: Ah...his writing group?
Girl 1: Ah...no you're not. You're not in his writing group.
Me: What do you mean?
Girl 2: WE'RE in his writing group.
Me: WHAT?! Ethan has another writing group?
Girl 1: I never knew about this!
Girl 2: So Ethan is CHEATING on us?
Girl 1: How long has this been going on?
Me: Ah...not sure...like...three years or something? I don't know.

Three girls glare at Ethan across the room.
He laughs and shrugs.
Busted.

BAD AT LYING

I am bad at lying. Sometimes I need to tell a lie and say that someone is not where they really are. A normal person might say, "Oh sorry-she's on a conference call right now." But do I say that? No. I say something so far from the truth in my efforts to cover up that it is so obvious that it's total crap.

Once at my old job long ago - my boss from LA, a health conscious freak of salad eating only nature - didn't want to take a call and asked me to lie.

Caller: "Is Jane Doe there?"
Me: "No actually she isn't."
Caller: "Is she coming back soon?"
Me: "Um. No actually."
Caller: "Ah...ok."
Me: "She ran to get a piece of pizza."
Caller: "A piece of pizza? Jane Doe...Jane Doe ran to get a piece of pizza?"
Me: "Yeah...ah..."
Caller: "Jane doesn't eat pizza."
Me: "Well...you know."
Caller: "Huh. And she is not going to be back for a while? From getting pizza?"
Me: "Ah. No."
Caller: "Listen. Whatever. Tell her to call me."

CLICK

Speaking of pizza I'm off to get a slice.
And that is no lie.

ONE REASON WHY I WILL MARRY THIS MAN

Today when pulling out some summer clothes-half of which are cheap H&M tank tops that have shrunk down to Baby Gap size-I put on one of the shirts from the pile and admired myself in the mirror with the door open. E walked by and yelled, "WOO HOO! YAY! I missed that thing! Can you wear it tonight?" and walked down the hall continuing to air guitar and sing, 'Breaking The Law' by Judas Priest.