Gettin' Freaky In The Tank

We just added a school of clown fish to our tank.
The fish guy says by the end of the day they will
go off into pairs. If two males or two females are
left over then one of them will cross over into being
the opposite sex. Things...are gettin' freaky in the
tank.

Office Supply Geek

I just caught myself smiling as I used White Out
to erase some things off my wall calendar here
at work. Maybe it's the fumes.

Summer School

One summer I had to attend summer school. Believe me
when I tell you it really sucked. It was a complete and total
John Hughes cliche. While my friends were drinking beer
on the beach, I was stuffed into a hot, yellow school bus
with windows that wouldn't go down, being driven 45
minutes there and back through strip mall hell. The only
highlight of the experience was our bus driver Dolores,
a large woman who on the day I met her was wearing a,
'Don't Mess With This Sister' T-shirt and carrying a
gigantic 'boom box' blasting Queen Latifah which she
placed on the dash. The last day of summer school,
Dolores lit up a cigarette and let us all smoke on the
bus too. She even stopped off at McDonalds under
the condition we didn't 'tell our parents'. It doesn't
seem like much now but at the time it felt like total
freedom.

Intern Moment of The Day

When our Russian DJ intern played house music
involving a girl moaning her way to an orgasm so
loudly at his desk that when I was on the phone
with a client they said, 'Um..what is THAT???'.

Why do drunk nights always end up in the pizza parlor?

That Place

Do you ever order take out from the same
place for days on end and then one day
actually walk by the place for the first time
and think to yourself...dear god...how am
I still alive?

Just Another Tuesday

I am wearing brown today. I ate a dusty colored pita
with tofu. I brought some asparagus soup in but forgot
it was waiting for me. Sissy got an internship with a
famous hair dresser. Maybe this means I can one day
have good hair. My Russian friend tells me my ear is
red and that means someone is talking shit about me.
I have a crush on a boy with a red sweater. What does
that mean? I am learning the basics of our new Avid
even though I am a girl. I will take Spanish lessons and
one day I plan to build my own shed.

Sign Me Up

Might I suggest to any rock 'dude' advertising
music lessons that you not name your web site
www.crotchrock.com and perhaps stay away
from using the phrase 'my place or yours' when
reffering to the location of the lessons. Also...
pretty sure perspective students (much less
female ones) visiting your site don't need to
see 10,000 photos of you making an orgasm
face nor ones of you on your knees demonstraing
the 'jerk off' style of playing. Do us all a favor
please and save it for the mirror of your parent's
house where you most likely still live.

Interns- "Wait...what?"

I'm a big fan of interns. Always have been. They are cute
and enthusiastic and yet still manage to drive me insane
with their endless, 'what's our fax number again?' type
questions or blank stared "Wait...what?" type responses
to any detailed instructions involving more than ten words.

Things as an intern you prob want to remember:

-When boss says, 'Can you please run this errand but
try and hurry back here because today is really busy.'
don't spend two hours (literally) going to every Duane
Reade in America finding that one thing on your list.
For god's sake please PLEASE come back.

-When you go on said errand, please be sure to
TAKE THE MONEY you will need to run this "very
quick" errand so we can avoid wasted time and
any calls from you from a pay phone getting me
out of a meeting so I can let you in because you
also forgot your office key.

-When you get the phone please don't tell clients the
Prez of the company "just woke up and should be in
at any moment"

-When buying flowers for the office, please don't buy
$40 worth of dead tulips-and I mean dead.

-If you see a client slip on a pool of spilt water-WIPE
UP THE WATER so as to avoid any future mishaps
or lawsuits instead of waiting for me to tell you to do it.

-Please don't make a large number of COLOR copies
of what should be black and white fax cover sheets
with our logo. ($$$)

And finally-if you remove trash bag liners from all of the
45 trashcans we have in the studio. PLEASE replace
them.

I know it's a lot to ask...

Give Me The Best One You Ever Gave Or Got