LEAVE IT TO LONG ISLAND

Around this time each year I am reminded by my younger sister of a strange Christmas tune taught to us by our Long Island choral director. The tune went a little something like this:

Pablo the reindeer from Mex-i-co
He makes the children laugh ho-ho
All the muchachos love him so
Pable the reindeer from Mex-i-co

Without him-la la la la
Santa would not know where he's going
Without him-la la la la
Santa would not know if it's snow-ing
South of the border...

So basically to sum it up -it's a sad and demeaning tale about a Mexican reindeer named Pablo who when in the comforts of his homeland of Mexico makes all the kids and Mexican guys really bust a gut with laughter but then when Christmas rolls around Pablo is forced to work for Santa as a slave because apparently without a Mexican reindeer Santa wouldn't know where the fuck he was going nor what the weather is like anywhere other than shiny rich beautiful America.

BUH-BYE

Can Scarlett Johansson just go away now? Thanks. We all know she has great lips and the world's most perfect fun bags so let's move it along already.

POSTCARD FOR YOU-YES YOU

Hello!

Thank you all for your postcard requests. Due to the TRILLIONS of responses from around the world for an original KDunk postcard, I need to put the postcard project on hold until I catch up with the requests I currently have. For those of you that did submit your address via email to me-stay tuned! A postcard is on it's way to you in the New Year.

xoxo The Donut

RECENT POLLS

Hi. Ok.

So recent polls on MTD say that the majority of you want me to blog about the following:

-Wedding plans
-Bridal shower gifts such as edible underwear
-How to prevent my relatives from ruining my wedding
-How to LAY DOWN THE LAW during my bridal shower games
-How to avoid wedding nonsense
-How to say two words without people asking me about my wedding

And my personal favorite “Marriage #1” because “it’s GOT to be a good story”.
Wow. Where to begin.

How about first…HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER READ MY BLOG? Perhaps you are confusing my blog with ivillage.com or starjones.com or oprah.com or imighttotallybarf.net.

The good news is you infuriated me back into blogging and for that I am truly, truly grateful.

Regarding the blog suggestion about “Marriage #1” and how it’s 'got to be a good story'. Before I blog about that I’d like you to first share with me in great detail:

-How three good friends of yours lost babies in a month
-How someone you love suffered from an eating disorder
-How a fellow co-worker at your old job committed suicide
-How your cat was taken away from you
-How you were laid off
-How you were evicted from your home with 24hrs notice
-How you went through a painfully sad divorce leaving two families ripped apart to mere shreds

Then…after you’ve combined all of the above bullets into one story…all happening in one month…then I will post my story. Oh wait. That is my story. And trust me when I tell you-it is not a good one.

Instead I’d like to tell you about more important things such as how much I love blood oranges and also how totally bummed I am that the underwear I am currently wearing is riding so far up my ass that it's quite possible I can floss my teeth.

THAT TIME AGAIN

What would YOU like me to blog about?
Please and thanks.

The Donut

BABY BOOZE & CIGS

For all you future parents out there afraid that your kid won't turn out ok unless you
smother your child with the finest in baby toys or food...take a lil gander here at this baby photo of me sucking on a jug of wine with a full pack of Marlboros at my side and say to yourself, 'Hey, everything is going to be ok.'