That Not So Fresh Feeling



Have you ever had the not so good fortune of being at work and
forced to listen to the first three minutes of a Pantene shampoo
commercial be edited on loop for three hours? Well I have. The
worst part of hearing the words 'fresh, shiny, smooth hair' 7,000
times is that I didn't wash my hair this morning.

A Poll

You run into an old boyfriend of four years
on the train. You two are from a very small
town and have known one another since
you were seven. You hang on to the same
pole on this morning's subway and are
about two inches from one another's face.
He pretends he doesn't see you. You:

a.) Say to yourself 'stop being such a loser
dude. I know you see me.'

b.) Continue reading your paper because
as you recall neither of you were ever
morning people

c.) Find some amusement in watching the
great lengths in which he goes to turn his
body around to avoid directly facing you

I did all three.

SO NOT MY MOM'S CAR-EVER

You Get The Car, I Get The Lips

It's sad when people get divorced because things
come between them-work, money, other people,
etc. While today's tabloid briefing didn't mention
what it was exactly that came between Alias star
Jennifer Garner and her former husband Felicity's
Scott Foley, I think it's safe to say it was probably
HER GIANT COLLAGEN (thanks five guys that
emailed me to tell me it's not Botox) LIPS. Jesus.
If I were him I couldn't sleep at night next to those
things. Who wants to be swallowed alive in their
sleep? pas moi.

Top That Carson Daly

All the interns are on spring break. That reminds
me of a time once back in college when my spring
break plans fell through the cracks and I was forced
instead to visit my grandparents in that hot bed of
spring break destinations otherwise known as -
The Vero Beach Florida Retirement Community.

The highlight of my trip included five days of rain,
numerous buffet style meals and a long walk on the
beach wearing uncomfortable flip flops that resulted
in a horrible case of shin splints putting me off my
feet for two days. Nothing like having a couple of
senior citizens smearing Ben-Gay on one's legs
to feel like a total loser.

Pretty sure the new diet doesn't allow
for what I had for dinner: an ice cream
sandwich and a beer. Sigh.

Done With Being Cheap

Trust me when I tell you the following:

-a $4 chinese lunch special tastes like a $4 chinese lunch special
-a free haircut looks like a free hair cut
-$25 boots feel like $25 boots
-a $4.99 shirt looks like a $4.99 shirt
-$3 face cream smells like $3 face cream