When I am tired I can be quite
a brat. When someone asks
me to do something fun I say
things like, '(sigh)...maybe' or
'(sigh) what time does it start?'
or '(sigh) i'll see how I feel.'
Forgive me. It's been a long
week.

Metallica Rocks

So it was back into the voice over booth
again today at work to record an MTV
commercial about Metallica. Instead of
hiring talent on occasion they call in
someone like me to pop in the booth,
put on the headphones and say things
like,

'Metallica ROCKS!!!'
'They have the BEST live shows EVER!!!'
'Metallica takes music to a NEW level!'
'Metallica is the greatest tour band EVER!'

yeah...tune in and listen...that will be me...

Award Winning Material

It just occurred to me today that now
that I’m an adult-having blundered my
way through a number of inconsistent
professions, that I no longer win or
receive any awards, medals, ribbons
or certificates of any sort rewarding
me in any way for my small talents,
contributions or achievements in life
despite how random or tiny they are.

When you are a kid, it seems every
corner you turn there is an opportunity
to be ‘Best Reader’, ‘Fastest Potato
Sack Race Racer’ or the chance to
receive a certificate congratulating
you on joining the JV Field Hockey
team or for merely contributing your
sea shell project to this year's science
fair -even if you didn't win.

Awards are small victories. They are
things I think we are missing as hard
working serious adults. I can still recall
the glazed but proud look in the eyes
of my parents as they sawed away at
their rubbery Chicken Cordon Bleu at
our small town restaurant 'Porky's' and
clapped as their daughter in a peach
striped sweater and zig zag earrings
walked up to accept the John Phillips
Sousa Award for her outstanding
contribution in musical achievement.
Now that my friends is award winning
material.

Dana and I are friends because when she
sends me an email titled, 'I want to be a
lesbian' I don't even have to read it to know
that she's had it with boys and for that I
can sometimes relate.

Creepy Moment Of The Day:

Riding a slow elevator ride to the 8th
floor alone with the UPS man who is
quietly singing Nelly's, 'It's gettin' hot
in here...So take off all your clothes..."

New York Times Wrangler

I just wanted to let the folks at the New York Times
know that they have my vote should they ever want
to make their paper HALF THE SIZE of what it is
now which is HALF THE SIZE of my body in length.
At least I manage to provide some comic relief to
my fellow subway passengers on the crowded train
as they watch me fold and refold the gargantuan
sized pages of my newspaper each morning. I’d
show more grace wrangling a boa constrictor I tell
ya...