Things I Actually Want For Christmas

-A fleece robe that I can never get out of ever.
One that will keep me warm as I shuffle over to
the bar to make myself a morning bloody mary
(mom-I'm kidding)

-A housekeeper-specifically my younger sister who
I actually convinced once at a young age that cleaning
my room was fun while I sat on the bed and read
magazines.

-A dog-but only for a day.

-My own personal hairdresser that I could just meet
in my bathroom every morning to deal with my hair
and could talk with me about the latest in Hollywood
trash gossip.

-A sexy singing voice

More Than Donuts is not embarrassed to
admit that she appreciates the occasional
inspirational quote now and again. Here is
the latest:

Work Like You Don't Need Money
Love Like You've Never Been Hurt
Dance Like No One Is Watching

(And no-I didn't get it from Oprah)

Side note: My grandmother calls Oprah
"Opfer" for some reason.

GO HERE .

That's What I'm Sayin'

When working the pasta buffet while catering recently
a woman asked me what I had in each chafing dish. All
the lids were off from the pans and I pointed and explained,

'Here we have a pesto pasta with chicken and pine nuts.
Here we have a farfalle pasta with caramelized onions in
a white wine sauce. And here we have a tri color fusilli
pasta in a vodka sauce.'

Pausing a moment she asked, "So are you saying all of
these dishes have pasta in them?

What It's Like To Date Me

The Good:
I will buy you coffee in the morning

The Bad:
I will stuff and hide crap in closets and on shelves
before people come over to give the 'illusion' that
the place is in order. I will then forget entirely that
I have stuffed and hidden things in closets and on
shelves until I hear a giant crash from the living
room and find you standing there innocently
looking for your jacket among a sea of Christmas
wrapping paper, ribbons, hangers, magazines,
a cat carrying case and a goose down comforter
with a hole in it. Oops.