If Bagels Could Talk

"Why do you always eat us into the exact shape of
the United States of America?"

Definition of A Great Girl's Night:

When the convo is so good you don't want to
leave the table to go pee.

Blogged Pores

I've been a little lazy about writing. Not feeling very inspired.
I did remember an odd nickname the Prez of my University
called me 'back in the day'. It was 'Lips Williams' in response
to a giant, glossy, color photo of me printed in our University
paper. My lips looked huge. It seemed as if my entire mouth
took up the whole photograph. Maybe it wouldn't have been
bad to be nicknamed 'Lips Williams' if I were say...a stripper
or a lipstick model or a fantastic trumpet player. But oh no. I
was just a mere Junior in college attending an all women's
school in an area of the south they called, 'Big Lick Valley'.

More Than Donuts hasn't gotten a present in a while. Time to
go shopping!

Secret Gym Member Only VIP Room Complete
With Ice Cream Sandwiches

So back to this gym thing...I've gone four times
this week which seems slightly manic for a gal
that was so anti-gym. But it's like a streak of
crazy luck-I've ended up going at wierd hours
and the sweet although overly tanned girl working
the front desk just waves me through for free as
if to say, 'see non-going gym girl-people that go
to the gym get rewards like this-free admission'.
Is this some sort of marketing scam to make be
become a member? Just curious because I'll
take it. I've started to like the smell of the towels.
Today I used the blowdryer on my wet from the
rain Pumas. I even checked out my ass in the
mirror while actually on the treadmill. Yes. It's
possible that things are getting scary.

Do you think there is actually a back room to all
gyms that is a VIP gym members only lounge of
sorts-complete with junk food like cheese Combos
Pizza Pockets and ice cream sandwiches? And
inside the special room you can smoke and there
is a full bar and no matter what the season is they
have the heat on full blast so whenever anyone
exits they come out in a full sweat? Just curious.
If only I spent this much time on thinking about
my career.

That Person

I'm pretty sure you too know 'that person', the kind that
when you ask how they are they never say, 'shitty actually
-pretty shitty'. All you want them to say is the occasional,
'things are shitty thanks and how about you?'. But no.
Instead when you ask how they are they say 'great!' and
before you know it you have been given a chapter of their
new screenplay that's just been signed with Miramax and
you are hearing about how much vacation time they have
and how they can't decide between the house on the Cape
or the place in Vermont and then you hear how wild it was
that they ran into an old roommate from Harvard recently
who it turned out was in the very same Cambodian cooking
class -small world-not to mention the old roommate had
actually read about their promotion in the New York Times.
For fucks sake people throw me a bone would ya?