THREE WAYS IN WHICH I WAS GLAD
MY MAN DID NOT ASK ME TO MARRY
HIM

POSSIBLE CHOKING SCENARIO
Putting the ring in a glass of wine or
champagne or god forbid a spooky fortune
cookie because I talk a lot when I drink
and eat and I would be sure not to see it
and choke and die before responding and
this would be very, very bad.

SKYWRITING
I’m glad he did not pay $10K to have
'Will you marry me?' spelled out in the
sky (or on a baseball game scoreboard)
because who can ever read those things
anyway? And the whole time as he'd be
jabbing me in the ribs on the beach to
look up from my US Weekly towards the sky
I’d be wondering why in gods name does
he want me to read this illegible
skywriting that apparently reads,
'...ill...you...mar...me'and something
about Heinekens and a wet T-shirt
contest.

THE BIG SURPRISE
I’m glad I didn’t come home one night after
a long day of work only to find my man on
one knee in front of everyone I’ve ever known
in my life (including pets and co-workers)
in my living room and a giant pause in the
air to see my reaction as he asked me and
the only sounds are my mother's sobs crying
in advance despite the outcome.

Instead...he decided on a rainy weekend
in Maine on the porch while we were reading
and there was a fire inside and then told me
and most the world that he felt like he could
knock over all the trees in this forest with
his happiness and that makes me so so so
GLAD.

YES